Listening to: Drive by R.E.M.
So, I had a moment of freaking out and ended up having my medicine shipped yesterday. It arrived this morning by Fed-Ex and for a moment, I felt like a child opening up the first Christmas present. Right now, it's sitting on the dining room table (except for the stuff in the refrigerator) and I get giddy every time I walk by it. Sick, I know.
B finally got home this morning after a nightmare trip home on Delta. You'd think he'd been gone forever by the way he's acting. It's great to have him home though....and hopefully I'll be able to sleep better now that he's in bed beside me.
To avoid indulging in Halloween candy, I didn't even buy any this year. Nope, we're not doing the whole trick-or-treat thing this year. Call us party poopers if you must but I'm not missing it.
I write like I speak, so if you're a grammar freak just go ahead and close the browser...I won't mind.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Information Overload
Listening to: I Belong To You by Muse
Wow. Today I had my injections class and it went smoothly. It's really not that much different than my allergy injections I used to give myself...except now they're in my stomach. We got this little packet of information with all the instructions and information about the IUI...and they faxed in my prescription and I've already set up the delivery date for my medication (November 6th). Now we just wait around for AF to start which "SHOULD" be next Friday. I'm only giving myself until Sunday and if nothing has happened....I'm going to start the Prometrium.
So, in case your interested, here is the complete medication list for the first cycle:
B comes home late tomorrow night! We've only got to spend 18 hours alone together in the last two weeks so I'm excited to get some quality snuggle time. Unfortunately, he's got a lot going on with school and will probably be spending most of his weekend studying for his test and working on his project.
One last thing...yeah for the time change this weekend (one extra hour of sleep that night) but I'm sad that it'll be getting darked earlier. That will limit my walking on the trails to weekends which is kind of a bummer!
Now, I'm off to bed to see if I can actually fall asleep before 1 AM. This week I haven't had much luck and I feel tired but I've felt tired all week.
Wow. Today I had my injections class and it went smoothly. It's really not that much different than my allergy injections I used to give myself...except now they're in my stomach. We got this little packet of information with all the instructions and information about the IUI...and they faxed in my prescription and I've already set up the delivery date for my medication (November 6th). Now we just wait around for AF to start which "SHOULD" be next Friday. I'm only giving myself until Sunday and if nothing has happened....I'm going to start the Prometrium.
So, in case your interested, here is the complete medication list for the first cycle:
- Ovidrel 250 ug pre-filled syringe
- Gonal-f RFF 450
- Antagon .25mg prefilled syringe
- Progesterone suppositories 50mg (oh yes, suppositories for my whoo-whoo)
- Letrozole 2.5mg
B comes home late tomorrow night! We've only got to spend 18 hours alone together in the last two weeks so I'm excited to get some quality snuggle time. Unfortunately, he's got a lot going on with school and will probably be spending most of his weekend studying for his test and working on his project.
One last thing...yeah for the time change this weekend (one extra hour of sleep that night) but I'm sad that it'll be getting darked earlier. That will limit my walking on the trails to weekends which is kind of a bummer!
Now, I'm off to bed to see if I can actually fall asleep before 1 AM. This week I haven't had much luck and I feel tired but I've felt tired all week.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!
Listening to: The Violet Hour by Sea Wolf
B and I had our follow-up with the doctor yesterday and there are three options she's recommending. The first option is a monitoring cycle of Letrozole and TIC with a cd21 blood draw to see if it worked. The second option is a straight cycle of Letrozole and an IUI. The third option was a sequential cycle of Letrozole and FSH injections with an IUI. Obviously, the options range from very conservative to fairly aggressive and the possibility of multiples really becomes a factor in the third option (20% chance).
It was a lot to think about but B is out of town for the week and we needed to make a decision soon since I'm already on cd18. The doctor doesn't think that I will respond well to the Letrozole alone since I didn't respond to Clomid and she feels that the third option gives us the most "bang for our buck". So....we're going for option three and are keeping our fingers crossed that we fall into the 80% chance of a single birth.
Now, I've got to call and schedule myself for an injections class and wait for AF to show up. Once she does, life is gonna get kinda busy for a while but then the two week wait will begin and I'll go mad. Sitting here now, looking at the protocol list...I'm excited and scared and hopeful that this works. The only negative side to this whole thing is that we're probably going to be missing out on Thanksgiving because of the IUI but it's a small price to pay if this works!
UPDATE: I've scheduled my injections class for Thursday at 1:30. Having given myself allergy shots for two years in the past, I don't think this is going to be too difficult. I just hate that I have to go by myself but it can't be helped.
B and I had our follow-up with the doctor yesterday and there are three options she's recommending. The first option is a monitoring cycle of Letrozole and TIC with a cd21 blood draw to see if it worked. The second option is a straight cycle of Letrozole and an IUI. The third option was a sequential cycle of Letrozole and FSH injections with an IUI. Obviously, the options range from very conservative to fairly aggressive and the possibility of multiples really becomes a factor in the third option (20% chance).
It was a lot to think about but B is out of town for the week and we needed to make a decision soon since I'm already on cd18. The doctor doesn't think that I will respond well to the Letrozole alone since I didn't respond to Clomid and she feels that the third option gives us the most "bang for our buck". So....we're going for option three and are keeping our fingers crossed that we fall into the 80% chance of a single birth.
Now, I've got to call and schedule myself for an injections class and wait for AF to show up. Once she does, life is gonna get kinda busy for a while but then the two week wait will begin and I'll go mad. Sitting here now, looking at the protocol list...I'm excited and scared and hopeful that this works. The only negative side to this whole thing is that we're probably going to be missing out on Thanksgiving because of the IUI but it's a small price to pay if this works!
UPDATE: I've scheduled my injections class for Thursday at 1:30. Having given myself allergy shots for two years in the past, I don't think this is going to be too difficult. I just hate that I have to go by myself but it can't be helped.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
All I Want
Listening to: All I Want by Toad the Wet Sprocket
B made it home from his train vacation last night so we've spent most of the weekend just snuggling up and spending time with each other. Waiting at the airport gate, I watched all the small children when their mommies and daddies got off the plane. I couldn't help but feel like B was missing out by not having his own child there to be excited about his homecoming. With Halloween comes precious children in adorable costumes and another reminder of what we don't have. The hurt is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but I'm going into this holiday season with more hope than I've had before. It may not be our child at the airport this time or our child going door to door begging for candy but the possibilities for next year are wide open.
Tomorrow is our follow-up appointment with Dr. C so we should have a clear outline of the schedule for the next month. Now, we just have to wait for cd1 to arrive!
B made it home from his train vacation last night so we've spent most of the weekend just snuggling up and spending time with each other. Waiting at the airport gate, I watched all the small children when their mommies and daddies got off the plane. I couldn't help but feel like B was missing out by not having his own child there to be excited about his homecoming. With Halloween comes precious children in adorable costumes and another reminder of what we don't have. The hurt is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but I'm going into this holiday season with more hope than I've had before. It may not be our child at the airport this time or our child going door to door begging for candy but the possibilities for next year are wide open.
Tomorrow is our follow-up appointment with Dr. C so we should have a clear outline of the schedule for the next month. Now, we just have to wait for cd1 to arrive!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Last Test Done
Listening to: Strange Love by Goo Goo Dolls
This morning I had the ultrasound done to make sure there was nothing unusual going on "down there". Unlike the incident with the my appendix and it's unusual decision to grow up rather than down, everything is exactly where it should be. One tube is definitely open and they can't say for certain that both are open without subjecting me to IV contrast and a rash so I'm content with knowing at least I have one to work with.
All things considered, the testing went fine. I passed all my tests and B sorta passed his so now we've just got to convince my eggs to join the party and we'll actually have a real chance at getting pregnant.
The next appointment is on Monday and we'll be discussing the medication that we will be using in this first cycle. Timing wise, it looks like the first cycle will be mid-November so the possibility of us finally granting my mother's Christmas wish could actually come true this year.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The Infertility Marathon
Listening to: Silence
We met with the RE as planned on the 13th. The meeting went better than I expected it to and for that I am so grateful. She wanted to check my AMH level, do an HSG, and have B's "gang" tested as part of our initial work-up. She also put me on 500mg of Glucophage which she thinks might help regulate my hormones. I spoke with the doctor on Friday who let me know my AMH level was fine and that she thought our best starting point would be the Femara. If I don't ovulate within the first cycle on the medication, we're going to move on to Femara and injections to try and beat my ovaries into submission.
We briefly talked about B's results. Most all of his numbers were fine but the numbers for motility were lower than normal and she said that it wouldn't be a bad idea to consider doing an IUI just to improve the chances of conceiving. It looks like our baby is going to end up being created in the least personal way possible...but it will still be created out of love so that's a good thing! My HSG is scheduled for Tuesday and I absolutely CAN'T wait to be subjected to that torture. A fun time will be had by all. On the positive side, she doesn't expect to see anything unusual so another positive mark in our column. We have a follow up appointment with her on 10/26 to go over protocols and then we just have to wait until I have another period to begin. She wants me to give it 30 days and if I haven't started, she'll call me in a round or progesterone to force the start. So, it's looking like it will be after 11/8 before we can start the first cycle....but it will be here before you know it.
I'm trying to keep a level head about all of this but I'm finding it difficult to not be excited beyond belief. All my free time is spent thinking about what will happen when we finally get pregnant and for the first time, I feel hopeful. I am just praying that this works out for us and that I won't be faced with even further disappointment. For now, I'm focusing on losing weight, looking at baby furniture, and imagining how I want to decorate the nursery. I can't wait for it to become a reality!
We met with the RE as planned on the 13th. The meeting went better than I expected it to and for that I am so grateful. She wanted to check my AMH level, do an HSG, and have B's "gang" tested as part of our initial work-up. She also put me on 500mg of Glucophage which she thinks might help regulate my hormones. I spoke with the doctor on Friday who let me know my AMH level was fine and that she thought our best starting point would be the Femara. If I don't ovulate within the first cycle on the medication, we're going to move on to Femara and injections to try and beat my ovaries into submission.
We briefly talked about B's results. Most all of his numbers were fine but the numbers for motility were lower than normal and she said that it wouldn't be a bad idea to consider doing an IUI just to improve the chances of conceiving. It looks like our baby is going to end up being created in the least personal way possible...but it will still be created out of love so that's a good thing! My HSG is scheduled for Tuesday and I absolutely CAN'T wait to be subjected to that torture. A fun time will be had by all. On the positive side, she doesn't expect to see anything unusual so another positive mark in our column. We have a follow up appointment with her on 10/26 to go over protocols and then we just have to wait until I have another period to begin. She wants me to give it 30 days and if I haven't started, she'll call me in a round or progesterone to force the start. So, it's looking like it will be after 11/8 before we can start the first cycle....but it will be here before you know it.
I'm trying to keep a level head about all of this but I'm finding it difficult to not be excited beyond belief. All my free time is spent thinking about what will happen when we finally get pregnant and for the first time, I feel hopeful. I am just praying that this works out for us and that I won't be faced with even further disappointment. For now, I'm focusing on losing weight, looking at baby furniture, and imagining how I want to decorate the nursery. I can't wait for it to become a reality!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Is This Week Already Ruined?
Listening to: Possibility by Lykke Li
If I could go back to bed and start this day over, I would. Have you ever had one of those days that you just were pissed off and there wasn't any one thing or person that put you in that mood? Today is that way for me.
In reality, I should be feeling happy and excited for tomorrow but I'm beginning to feel like this is just a foreshadowing of the mood I'm going to be in tomorrow evening. Actually, the pissed off feeling started on Saturday when I started my period. My last period was 8/20.....and wouldn't you know that my period would show up right before my appointment. I'm not sure what this means but I'm afraid this is going to push us further out and delay starting our first cycle again. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me to not go to the doctor! In any case, I'm still going tomorrow. But I'm already feeling annoyed about the whole appointment.
I got a sneak preview of the New Moon soundtrack (which is officially released 10/20). I find it lacking and I'm really disappointed in the overall sound. On the Twilight soundtrack, there were several catchy tunes right from the get go. Not so much on this one. Of the 15 songs on the track list, only three capture my attention, four kinda grows on me, one appeals to the classical side of me, three make me wonder WTF, and the rest I don't even remember. I'm hoping that if I take the time and listen to each track, I'll see the value of each. Here is the track list, with my initial thoughts:
If I could go back to bed and start this day over, I would. Have you ever had one of those days that you just were pissed off and there wasn't any one thing or person that put you in that mood? Today is that way for me.
In reality, I should be feeling happy and excited for tomorrow but I'm beginning to feel like this is just a foreshadowing of the mood I'm going to be in tomorrow evening. Actually, the pissed off feeling started on Saturday when I started my period. My last period was 8/20.....and wouldn't you know that my period would show up right before my appointment. I'm not sure what this means but I'm afraid this is going to push us further out and delay starting our first cycle again. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me to not go to the doctor! In any case, I'm still going tomorrow. But I'm already feeling annoyed about the whole appointment.
I got a sneak preview of the New Moon soundtrack (which is officially released 10/20). I find it lacking and I'm really disappointed in the overall sound. On the Twilight soundtrack, there were several catchy tunes right from the get go. Not so much on this one. Of the 15 songs on the track list, only three capture my attention, four kinda grows on me, one appeals to the classical side of me, three make me wonder WTF, and the rest I don't even remember. I'm hoping that if I take the time and listen to each track, I'll see the value of each. Here is the track list, with my initial thoughts:
- Meet Me On The Equinox by Death Cab For Cutie - Kinda reminded me of Spotlight by Mutemath off the Twilight soundtrack. It's catchy and probably one of my favorites off the whole album.
- Friends by Band of Skulls - Eh...jury is still out on this one. Sort of sounds like the lead singer of BTE. I doubt it'll be one that I just HAVE to hear over and over.
- Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke - Hate it. I feel like I'm in a bad 80s music video.
- Possibility by Lykke Li - Surprisingly good if you can get past the fact that she sounds like MIA.
- A White Demon Love Song by The Killers - Usually one of my favorite bands but I really wasn't feeling this song. Maybe I need to hear it a couple of times for it to grow on me.
- Satellite Heart by Anya Marina - If Colbie Caillat and Jewel had a baby, it would be this singer. It's definitely not memorable.
- I Belong To You (New Moon Remix) by Muse - When I first heard the original version of this song on Muse's latest album, I hated it. I told B that in order for me to like it on the New Moon soundtrack, it would have to be a completely different song. That was a while ago. Having heard the remix, I appreciate the original version so much more. Another one of my ultimate favorite bands but they should have stuck with the original version...the remix is lacking.
- Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent - A song that I'll forget about as soon as I go to the next one. I get the symbolism though...
- Done All Wrong by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Love it. It sounds so much like an Edward song. Full of angst and pain which is typical of the whole Bella/Edward relationship.
- Monsters by Hurricane Bells - I find myself wanting to fine tune the station because it sounds like horrible reception. For some reason, I imagine Barney singing this. Ugh, moving on.
- The Violet Hour by Sea Wolf - Has potential to become a favorite. It's such a Jacob song and it really makes me feel for the poor guy.
- Shooting The Moon by Ok Go - Another band that I really enjoy but it took a couple of listens to really get into this one. Probably the second strongest song on the album (next to Meet Me On The Equinox).
- Slow Life by Grizzly Bear - The simplicity of this one is what first draws me in. Not a favorite but it doesn't make my ears bleed either.
- No Sound But The Wind by Editors - This one made me question their sanity. Really? Were you just trying to fill up the album and this was the bottom of the barrel? I keep expecting it to break into the Big Love opener. The lyrics are deep but the music just ruins it.
- New Moon (The Meadow) by Alexandre Desplat - Strictly appeals to my classical love. It would have been better if they could have continued with Bella's Lullaby from the first movie because this one doesn't really sound similar and that song was a constant throughout the books.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Weekly Wrap-Up
Listening to: Take A Picture by Filter
So another week has come to an end and we're quickly moving through October. B will be leaving next weekend for a vacation trip with his family so I'll be living it up as a single woman the week of the 17th through the 24th. When I say living it up I mean watching chick flicks, reading, crocheting, and snuggling with the dog....yep, that's living it up for me! I'm a little sad that B isn't going to be here for the Blue October concert in Charlotte on the 23rd because I would LOVE to see them perform again.
Looking at the weekends for the remainder of 2009, I can already see that the coming months are going to be full of stress. October's weekends are pretty much booked. With B flying out and back in on Saturdays, it pretty much shoots two weekends in the foot. We might be going to Charlotte for Halloween weekend so that takes up the last weekend. November has B's family coming down the weekend before Thanksgiving and us going to Abingdon Thanksgiving weekend. One weekend we've devoted to celebrating my birthday which only leaves us with one open weekend in November. I was hoping we could go home sometime before Thanksgiving but it's looking doubtful. There is always the possibility that we could go home two weekends in November but I doubt I'll be able to convince B to do it.
I still waiting for my GRE scores to be sent to ECU. Hopefully, I'll be getting good news on that front and can start figuring out what classes to take. Personally, I'm excited at the prospect of going back to school and having homework, projects, and tests to work on.
On the "Project Baby Making" front, we've only got a few more days until the appointment. I'm going to get a notebook this weekend and start jotting down questions that I want to ask. I'm also planning to call a friend of mine who worked in an OB/GYN office and get her advice on questions to ask. Last night we had a discussion about who we would want to raise our child/children should something happen to us and we both agree that there is no clear-cut solution. Although we love our parents and think they are going to be great grandparents, we're reluctant to ask them to be guardians because they've reached a point in their lives where they've raised their own kids and shouldn't be starting over with new ones.
B has a brother and a sister, and I have a brother. B's brother isn't really into having major responsibilities and I wouldn't want to burden him with one. B's sister is a good candidate because she's financially stable, young, and in a solid relationship. But, she's more than likely not going to be living anywhere close to my parents and it is extremely important that my parents be involved after we're gone (they don't have the same financial freedom to see their grandchild whenever). My brother is a good candidate as well. He's young, he would have a bigger support system to help him, and his views on raising children are similar to our own. I know that he wants children someday and I know that he would make an excellent father. The downside is that he's not yet financially stable and he is single. Now I know that the financially stable part shouldn't be that big of a deal because our entire estate would go to our child so there wouldn't be too much of a burden on whoever ends up as guardian. I just struggle with the fact that he's single and I worry about the type of women he could bring into our child's life. He would essentially go from an eligible man with no baggage to an eligible man with baggage and I would hate to do that to him. We even talked about asking our close friends but I'm afraid of what kind of message that would be sending to our families. In any case, it's a big decision that would need to be made but we've got plenty of time to talk about it.
B will be studying most of the weekend but we have a date tomorrow night. Otherwise, I'll be spending my weekend working on my crochet project. The weather is gonna be sucky this weekend so it's a perfect time to stay inside and just relax before the madness starts!
So another week has come to an end and we're quickly moving through October. B will be leaving next weekend for a vacation trip with his family so I'll be living it up as a single woman the week of the 17th through the 24th. When I say living it up I mean watching chick flicks, reading, crocheting, and snuggling with the dog....yep, that's living it up for me! I'm a little sad that B isn't going to be here for the Blue October concert in Charlotte on the 23rd because I would LOVE to see them perform again.
Looking at the weekends for the remainder of 2009, I can already see that the coming months are going to be full of stress. October's weekends are pretty much booked. With B flying out and back in on Saturdays, it pretty much shoots two weekends in the foot. We might be going to Charlotte for Halloween weekend so that takes up the last weekend. November has B's family coming down the weekend before Thanksgiving and us going to Abingdon Thanksgiving weekend. One weekend we've devoted to celebrating my birthday which only leaves us with one open weekend in November. I was hoping we could go home sometime before Thanksgiving but it's looking doubtful. There is always the possibility that we could go home two weekends in November but I doubt I'll be able to convince B to do it.
I still waiting for my GRE scores to be sent to ECU. Hopefully, I'll be getting good news on that front and can start figuring out what classes to take. Personally, I'm excited at the prospect of going back to school and having homework, projects, and tests to work on.
On the "Project Baby Making" front, we've only got a few more days until the appointment. I'm going to get a notebook this weekend and start jotting down questions that I want to ask. I'm also planning to call a friend of mine who worked in an OB/GYN office and get her advice on questions to ask. Last night we had a discussion about who we would want to raise our child/children should something happen to us and we both agree that there is no clear-cut solution. Although we love our parents and think they are going to be great grandparents, we're reluctant to ask them to be guardians because they've reached a point in their lives where they've raised their own kids and shouldn't be starting over with new ones.
B has a brother and a sister, and I have a brother. B's brother isn't really into having major responsibilities and I wouldn't want to burden him with one. B's sister is a good candidate because she's financially stable, young, and in a solid relationship. But, she's more than likely not going to be living anywhere close to my parents and it is extremely important that my parents be involved after we're gone (they don't have the same financial freedom to see their grandchild whenever). My brother is a good candidate as well. He's young, he would have a bigger support system to help him, and his views on raising children are similar to our own. I know that he wants children someday and I know that he would make an excellent father. The downside is that he's not yet financially stable and he is single. Now I know that the financially stable part shouldn't be that big of a deal because our entire estate would go to our child so there wouldn't be too much of a burden on whoever ends up as guardian. I just struggle with the fact that he's single and I worry about the type of women he could bring into our child's life. He would essentially go from an eligible man with no baggage to an eligible man with baggage and I would hate to do that to him. We even talked about asking our close friends but I'm afraid of what kind of message that would be sending to our families. In any case, it's a big decision that would need to be made but we've got plenty of time to talk about it.
B will be studying most of the weekend but we have a date tomorrow night. Otherwise, I'll be spending my weekend working on my crochet project. The weather is gonna be sucky this weekend so it's a perfect time to stay inside and just relax before the madness starts!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Various and Sundry Things
I did an overhaul on the blog tonight. The hot pink color scheme that I had been rocking for three years just about made me want to claw my eyes out. I think this new look is nice though and I love how easy it is to customize the layout. All in all, I think it's a classier look...neat and sophisticated...something that I wouldn't mind other people seeing.
I'm honestly getting really excited to go to the doctor next Tuesday. Part of me almost wishes that they could have seen me sooner....yeah, funny....I know. I don't know what it is though that has got me chomping at the bit for Tuesday. Part of my eagerness is caused from the time I'm spending on the treadmill in the morning. I'm still trying to find that "perfect" time to exercise and I'm having to think of babies to really stay motivated. During this "me-time", I'm also trying to think of questions that I want to ask the doctor when we see her. Luckily, we live in an area where some of the best infertility specialist work. The doctor we're seeing has actually been rated as one of the Nation's Best Doctors for the last two years. It makes me feel good to be seeing someone of her caliber because I want someone who is as dedicated to this as we are.
Last night, I did something that I haven't done for a while. I pulled out the pregnancy books that I've collected since we started down this road. It was kind of cool to be looking at them and not feel like I'm going to burst into tears. There was a lot of information about the different infertility therapies and I read through some to see what options we would consider. One thing we talked about last night was the risk of multiples. B really would prefer that we only have one child and I am fine with that too. But, some of these medications increase our chances of having multiples to 25% with the highest probability of the multiples being twins. It's important that we're both on the same page on this and when B heard 25%....he got a little nervous. I quickly pointed out though that there was a 75% chance we'd only have one.
We've agreed that having twins wouldn't be a horrible thing. We'd get two out of the deal and would have an instant family. The point where we differ is what if there were three or more. Knowing that a multiples birth means that I would be considered "high risk", I'm not willing to increase the risk by having three babies versus two. Three babies!!! Holy crap! Personally, I feel like it would be in our best interest (health wise) to selectively reduce down to twins. B doesn't feel like he would be ok with that decision. It's probably not even something we'd have to even consider but it's still something that we needed to talk about. So we continue to wait for Tuesday.
I'm honestly getting really excited to go to the doctor next Tuesday. Part of me almost wishes that they could have seen me sooner....yeah, funny....I know. I don't know what it is though that has got me chomping at the bit for Tuesday. Part of my eagerness is caused from the time I'm spending on the treadmill in the morning. I'm still trying to find that "perfect" time to exercise and I'm having to think of babies to really stay motivated. During this "me-time", I'm also trying to think of questions that I want to ask the doctor when we see her. Luckily, we live in an area where some of the best infertility specialist work. The doctor we're seeing has actually been rated as one of the Nation's Best Doctors for the last two years. It makes me feel good to be seeing someone of her caliber because I want someone who is as dedicated to this as we are.
Last night, I did something that I haven't done for a while. I pulled out the pregnancy books that I've collected since we started down this road. It was kind of cool to be looking at them and not feel like I'm going to burst into tears. There was a lot of information about the different infertility therapies and I read through some to see what options we would consider. One thing we talked about last night was the risk of multiples. B really would prefer that we only have one child and I am fine with that too. But, some of these medications increase our chances of having multiples to 25% with the highest probability of the multiples being twins. It's important that we're both on the same page on this and when B heard 25%....he got a little nervous. I quickly pointed out though that there was a 75% chance we'd only have one.
We've agreed that having twins wouldn't be a horrible thing. We'd get two out of the deal and would have an instant family. The point where we differ is what if there were three or more. Knowing that a multiples birth means that I would be considered "high risk", I'm not willing to increase the risk by having three babies versus two. Three babies!!! Holy crap! Personally, I feel like it would be in our best interest (health wise) to selectively reduce down to twins. B doesn't feel like he would be ok with that decision. It's probably not even something we'd have to even consider but it's still something that we needed to talk about. So we continue to wait for Tuesday.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
I did it!
For the past several months, I've been making excuses as to why I couldn't go ahead and make the appointment with my gyno to discuss next steps for dealing with infertility. Although I have a multitude of reasons for not calling, only one is really valid and I can only lean on that excuse for so long before people start to tell me to shut up. Personally, I still think I could have pulled the card out a few more times but what would the final cost end up being?
This past weekend, B made a comment along the lines of the fact that we're already nine months into 2009 and that we could have gotten pregnant and been ready to deliver in that time. At first, I laughed it off but it got me thinking. What have I gained by waiting until now to make the appointment? It's not like much has changed since January (or even May). It's been two years since I last saw my gyno which also happens to be the first time I've ever not been religious about getting the under-carriage checkup. After having a very dear friend die from ovarian cancer (diagnosed too late because she hadn't gone to the doctor in four years), I started to worry that I was putting my own life in danger.
All of a sudden, the excuse I had been holding on to all year suddenly seemed so insignificant when compared to the big picture. I had run out of excuses. Monday morning, I made the appointment. The earliest I could get in with my "mechanic" was 11/3 (Happy Election Day to me!) and part of me was relieved that it was so far out because I was still squeezing the life out of my excuse card. I felt good for finally making the appointment and I was fine with it being next month...life was back in alignment.
Today, I was walking on the treadmill and was starting to have that conversation with myself where I rationalize that it's ok to get off the treadmill early because I'm really not feeling that great anyway, and that slight twinge in my hip really shouldn't be exacerbated because it could really lead to a major injury. Knowing that I had to focus myself or I was going to wimp out, I began to think about the one thing that seems to get me motivated....decorating the nursery of my futuristic baby. So, here I was....Muse blaring from the speakers, my thoughts were on wall colors and themes, and part of my brain was thinking that I needed to replace that song on the walking playlist with something more peppy because I felt like I should be cooling down but I still had 20 minutes. If I waited until November to see the mechanic, I wouldn't be able to get into the RE until mid to late November at the earliest which meant we probably wouldn't actually be able to start a cycle until December. On the other hand, who wants to start a cycle so close to Christmas when you're traveling and sleeping in your old bedroom at your mom and dad's house? Seriously, the idea of "BD" anywhere close to family just makes me cringe...besides, people know we're gonna be trying again. If we were to even be out of the room at the same time, everyone is gonna be thinking that we're sneaking off to a closet and that is just weird.
Do you see how my brain works? So, the first cycle couldn't actually start until January. I really don't want to be seven, eight, or nine months pregnant throughout the whole summer so getting pregnant in January isn't ideal (now I'm just being picky). If I'm going to miss the whole summer misery, I probably shouldn't get pregnant until March (this is me being selfish...oh look, only 10 more minutes to go). This is stupid.....waiting until the 11/3 appointment to make the RE appointment is stupid....I'm going to call the RE today and go ahead and get on their books because they probably won't be able to see me until November anyway.
Fifteen minutes later (I gave myself time to cool down), I called to make the appointment. I almost dropped the phone when they said they could see me next Tuesday...my excuse card just disintegrated. Needless to say, it totally caught B off-guard because he was just thrilled I made the 11/3 appointment and to finally get to see an RE just might have made his whole freaking quarter! Yea me! So, tonight, I've spent lots of time on the internet just trying to get familiar with all the options so that I can go into next week's appointment with a general idea of what path I want to take. Are there specific questions that I should be asking? Any help is GREATLY appreciated.
This past weekend, B made a comment along the lines of the fact that we're already nine months into 2009 and that we could have gotten pregnant and been ready to deliver in that time. At first, I laughed it off but it got me thinking. What have I gained by waiting until now to make the appointment? It's not like much has changed since January (or even May). It's been two years since I last saw my gyno which also happens to be the first time I've ever not been religious about getting the under-carriage checkup. After having a very dear friend die from ovarian cancer (diagnosed too late because she hadn't gone to the doctor in four years), I started to worry that I was putting my own life in danger.
All of a sudden, the excuse I had been holding on to all year suddenly seemed so insignificant when compared to the big picture. I had run out of excuses. Monday morning, I made the appointment. The earliest I could get in with my "mechanic" was 11/3 (Happy Election Day to me!) and part of me was relieved that it was so far out because I was still squeezing the life out of my excuse card. I felt good for finally making the appointment and I was fine with it being next month...life was back in alignment.
Today, I was walking on the treadmill and was starting to have that conversation with myself where I rationalize that it's ok to get off the treadmill early because I'm really not feeling that great anyway, and that slight twinge in my hip really shouldn't be exacerbated because it could really lead to a major injury. Knowing that I had to focus myself or I was going to wimp out, I began to think about the one thing that seems to get me motivated....decorating the nursery of my futuristic baby. So, here I was....Muse blaring from the speakers, my thoughts were on wall colors and themes, and part of my brain was thinking that I needed to replace that song on the walking playlist with something more peppy because I felt like I should be cooling down but I still had 20 minutes. If I waited until November to see the mechanic, I wouldn't be able to get into the RE until mid to late November at the earliest which meant we probably wouldn't actually be able to start a cycle until December. On the other hand, who wants to start a cycle so close to Christmas when you're traveling and sleeping in your old bedroom at your mom and dad's house? Seriously, the idea of "BD" anywhere close to family just makes me cringe...besides, people know we're gonna be trying again. If we were to even be out of the room at the same time, everyone is gonna be thinking that we're sneaking off to a closet and that is just weird.
Do you see how my brain works? So, the first cycle couldn't actually start until January. I really don't want to be seven, eight, or nine months pregnant throughout the whole summer so getting pregnant in January isn't ideal (now I'm just being picky). If I'm going to miss the whole summer misery, I probably shouldn't get pregnant until March (this is me being selfish...oh look, only 10 more minutes to go). This is stupid.....waiting until the 11/3 appointment to make the RE appointment is stupid....I'm going to call the RE today and go ahead and get on their books because they probably won't be able to see me until November anyway.
Fifteen minutes later (I gave myself time to cool down), I called to make the appointment. I almost dropped the phone when they said they could see me next Tuesday...my excuse card just disintegrated. Needless to say, it totally caught B off-guard because he was just thrilled I made the 11/3 appointment and to finally get to see an RE just might have made his whole freaking quarter! Yea me! So, tonight, I've spent lots of time on the internet just trying to get familiar with all the options so that I can go into next week's appointment with a general idea of what path I want to take. Are there specific questions that I should be asking? Any help is GREATLY appreciated.
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