Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I finally get a break!

B and I had ANOTHER ultrasound today and were given the go ahead to do the trigger shot tonight.  My E2 level was 454 which is much higher than it was on Sunday.  We've got four dominant follicles which makes B nervous but I'm just excited to have that many targets for his "little men" to hit.  It could only increase the probability of us getting pregnant right?


My last shot for the next few weeks is tonight and I couldn't be more excited.  B has to be at the doctor's office at 7:30 on Thursday to do his thing and then I go in at 8:30 for the IUI.  I've already taken that day off so that I can spend the day relaxing and sending positive vibes to the free floating eggs.  Fingers crossed because I could be a mom before this week is out!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

This is gonna be a long one.....

Tonight, I went and looked at the last time I posted on this thing and I was surprised that I hadn't posted anything since the start of my very first cycle.  Reading through my entry, it was obvious that I was excited and was determined and confident that this was going to be our answer.  I wish I could flash back in time and visit myself that night to give me some advice that I would need to repeat to myself for many months after my last post.

What would my wonderful advice be??? It would be to tell myself that this was actually going to be a long, long marathon to even get a response and that there were going to be times after ultrasounds and bad news that I would want to do nothing but lay in bed and cry until I couldn't shed one more tear and it was ok to do so...in fact, I needed to do it.  I would tell myself that over the next 5 and a half months, I would be learning so much about myself as a person and I would be tested a hundred times and face constant bad news and many, many hurdles to see if I was really committed to THIS journey.  I would tell myself that I was about to experience something that would so fundamentally change who B and I were as a couple and despite all of the tears that would be shed.....nothing, and I mean nothing, would bring us closer together than this bumpy journey.  I would tell myself that there would be so many days that I would feel all alone in this but there would always be someone that would reach out and give me the confidence and strength to keep going even when it seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel was getting dimmer and dimmer.  My last piece of advice would be to never, ever, ever give up....even when the doctors and nurses were gathered in a circle whispering as you came out of the exam room....because the time WOULD come when everything would suddenly fall into place and the one thing that had always seem to be so far out of reach would somehow fall right into your lap.

It took us 5 and a half months, countless subcutaneous injections in the stomach, legs, and arms, many painful intramuscular shots in the leg, countless hours with my feet in stirrups while being prodded with a wand, many times being stuck and restuck just to draw a vial of blood, and many, many tears to finally hear the words that I never thought would be said....I have activity.  This cycle started on 3/4/10 with injections beginning 3/5/10.  On 3/16/10, I had an ultrasound that still showed no activity and the doctors were starting to talk about stopping.  This was our last cycle.  There was going to be no chance for us to even try to get pregnant.  After begging to increase my dosage and insisting that I wanted to keep doing the shots in the backs of my arms, they agreed to up my doses to 20 units of Lupron (twice a day), 225 IUs of Menopur (once a day), and 225 IUs of Gonal-F (once a day).  They didn't expect anything to happen because I was already on a "large" dose (compared to most women) so they were only giving me until 3/19/10 before doing another ultrasound and calling off the cycle.  They didn't think this was going to work.

The morning of 3/19/10, I was apprehensive about the appointment because I really didn't know how I was going to handle the bad news that this journey was over.  Going to the doctor was no longer fun and I usually was full of angst the day before the appointments and then spent most of the actual appointment day crying over my stupid, horrible ovaries.  3/19/10 turned out to be one of the best days of my entire life....I finally, finally, finally responded to the medication.

On 3/16 my uterine lining was 3.2 mm and most of the follicles were still in the pre stage that they seemed to stay in all the damn time.  My estrogen level was 55.  Things sucked......badly.

On 3/19 my uterine lining was 6.2 mm and I had three HUGE (for me) follicles with the biggest one measuring 15.6 mm.  They didn't even check my estrogen because it was obviously higher.  The doctor was speechless...totally surprised....I was sobbing happy tears and B was over the moon.  In fact, the doctor was concerned that I was going to have to be dialed down some! Who knew that they'd ever have to consider LOWERING my dose!!!!

On 3/21 we went for another ultrasound and it was the first time since November that I was actually excited to go to the doctor.  I continued to show improvement in this visit as well.  My uterine lining was 8.8 mm, the biggest follicle measured 17.7 mm, and my estrogen level was 239.7.  Holy crap batman! I'm so close to being at the right levels for the IUI so we go back on Tuesday for another scan and it looks like we're doing our very first IUI on Thursday or Friday.  I never gave up.  I may have lost hope for a while but I never gave up.  Miracles can happen.  And that would be the ultimate advice I would have given myself back in November.