Wednesday, June 17, 2009

26 Days Later

I've been really trying to work hard at this whole "healthy eating" way of life. Since starting this process, I've actually only been on the wagon for 26 days (traveling really got in the way). So far I've lost 13.4 pounds....yep, 13.4! I'm still kind of in shock that I've lost that much so soon but I will tell you, it keeps me motivated to stick with it.

Yesterday was really hard though. My body is going through this hormonal issue right now and I have started my period (22 days after the last one started, mind you!). I don't know what it was about yesterday but I was STARVING all day long! I really tried to stick to my diet, and I did fine with breakfast and lunch but I knew I couldn't stick to it for dinner. Yesterday was also the first day in over a week that I haven't done my hour on the treadmill. I just had no energy!

So, last night...I fell off the wagon and went to Cook-Out and had a hamburger, onion rings, and a sweet tea. On our way home, I also ate a Kit-Kat bar....remember, I'm hormonal!!!!! I didn't beat myself up about it though. Today is a different day and I really haven't had the hunger issue today like I did yesterday. In fact, I'll probably be on the treadmill in a couple of hours.

I like this new me and I love that my clothes are getting looser. Do I think my improved diet and exercise program may be playing a part in my hormone issues? Sure, anything is possible at this point! I feel good and actually look forward to getting on the scales in the morning! All in all, not a bad start!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Off the diet topic

This past weekend, B and I had the opportunity to travel with my mom, brother, and grandmother to Washington, DC to visit some family. I had seen Aunt Ruth, Gary and Liz at my grandfather's funeral (almost a year ago) but hadn't seen Diana and Alexandra since I was 15. It was so nice to be around family that we hadn't spent a lot of time with. It was also good to be around Aunt Ruth since she is the last sibling of my grandfather's that is still alive. To hear the stories and see the pictures of a generation ago...it was so thrilling to have new visions of my grandfather to think about when I feel sad.

My Aunt Ruth is a dear, sweet lady. She is always so thoughtful and always so vocal about how great it is for us to visit. She is definitely a very special lady and I have always been closer to her above all of my grandfather's other siblings. I know that she has had a really hard year, having to experience the death of her brother, sister, and brother-in-law within the span of four months. It has been an eye opening experience for her since this was the first time in her long life that she feels old.

To see her in action, you would never believe that she is 87 years old. In fact, she's got more get-up-and-go than most 50 year olds. If I am even half as mobile and rowdy at her age when I'm 87, I will be eternally happy. She mentioned to me, while giving me a tour of her active adult community, that having us come to visit filled a void that she had felt since my grandfather passed away. Those words stuck me more deeply than she could have ever imagined.

It hadn't occurred to me that Aunt Ruth saw us as the last link she had of my grandfather and being with us helped her feel more at peace with his death. She has a loving family of her own, but she also needs to feel and be reassured of our love for her too. She also mentioned that our visit had helped relieve a lot of guilt that she had but before I could ask what guilt, her eyes started to shimmer and I knew it was better to not push further and cause her to feel even more sadness. Maybe she felt guilty for continuing to live when all of her siblings are gone. Maybe she felt guilty because she didn't get to spend time with him right before he passed away. Maybe it was even guilt for not being more involved in our lives. I don't know if I will ever find the reason for her guilt.

If granddad were here, he would tell her to not feel guilty for living because it just wasn't her time to go. He'd tell her that the end would be here soon enough so she needed to make each day count and be comforted in the knowledge that when it was all said and done...her siblings, parents, and loved ones would be there for her again. He would tell her that even though she wasn't there at the end, he knew she loved him and that their last weekend together was full of his favorite memories and the sound of laughter. He would tell her that even though we are a family that is cast to all parts of the country, we are still a family and no amount of distance could break that bond. We may not see each other as often as we like but we're never far from our thoughts.

He would also appreciate the quote from Julie Burchill that I have on my Facebook:
"Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile."

He would say that he had lived his life completely and was ready to go. How can I possibly disagree with him? Realizing that grief is really for the living, I can't cry for what we've lost because I know that he's happy and I am happy for him. My only hope is that spending time with Aunt Ruth this weekend allowed her to heal and let go of any guilt that she might have felt because life is too short and too precious to go around feeling guilty.