Let me say this one thing first. After having a normal period in July and August, I was excited to think that September would bring another timed period. I was obviously wrong to get so excited. I'm on cd34 with no period in sight...and I am feeling so frustrated and down.
Trust me, I'm not holding my breath waiting for my period to show up. If I were...I'd probably pass out first and kill off some brain cells due to a lack of oxygen. No, I'm holding my breath waiting to see what this weekend will bring. We have very dear friends who made the decision to try and start a family and were lucky to get pregnant the first month they tried. They told us of the pregnancy in August and I AM happy for them. None of what I'm feeling now is directed towards them...but I'm really having a hard time with the cosmic hand I've been dealt. We've been trying for almost 2 years and I can't even have a normal period....they try the first month and get pregnant. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.
These friends are coming to visit this weekend and I'm really struggling with it. B didn't really ask me what I thought about having them over and I just don't think I'm ready to see them and hear all about the pregnancy. I feel like it is too soon...and it's very possible that I wouldn't want to see them during the entire pregnancy. Wait...it's not that I don't want to see them (I do)...it's more along the lines that I don't want to have a pregnancy rubbed into my already aching wound. I don't feel like anyone really understands me...especially not B. I'm just so frustrated and if they do come to visit this weekend...I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. I don't want to make her feel bad for being here and being pregnant but I don't want to spend the whole weekend feeling sad and depressed. It's just too soon...
In the meantime, I'm going to make more of an effort to get out and walk and watch my diet. I've lost 10 pounds...and that makes me feel great.
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