Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

Listening to: The Violet Hour by Sea Wolf

B and I had our follow-up with the doctor yesterday and there are three options she's recommending.  The first option is a monitoring cycle of Letrozole and TIC with a cd21 blood draw to see if it worked.  The second option is a straight cycle of Letrozole and an IUI.  The third option was a sequential cycle of Letrozole and FSH injections with an IUI.  Obviously, the options range from very conservative to fairly aggressive and the possibility of multiples really becomes a factor in the third option (20% chance).

It was a lot to think about but  B is out of town for the week and we needed to make a decision soon since I'm already on cd18.  The doctor doesn't think that I will respond well to the Letrozole alone since I didn't respond to Clomid and she feels that the third option gives us the most "bang for our buck".  So....we're going for option three and are keeping our fingers crossed that we fall into the 80% chance of a single birth.

Now, I've got to call and schedule myself for an injections class and wait for AF to show up.  Once she does, life is gonna get kinda busy for a while but then the two week wait will begin and I'll go mad.  Sitting here now, looking at the protocol list...I'm excited and scared and hopeful that this works.  The only negative side to this whole thing is that we're probably going to be missing out on Thanksgiving because of the IUI but it's a small price to pay if this works!

UPDATE: I've scheduled my injections class for Thursday at 1:30.  Having given myself allergy shots for two years in the past, I don't think this is going to be too difficult.  I just hate that I have to go by myself but it can't be helped.

All I Want

Listening to: All I Want by Toad the Wet Sprocket

B made it home from his train vacation last night so we've spent most of the weekend just snuggling up and spending time with each other.  Waiting at the airport gate, I watched all the small children when their mommies and daddies got off the plane.  I couldn't help but feel like B was missing out by not having his own child there to be excited about his homecoming.  With Halloween comes precious children in adorable costumes and another reminder of what we don't have.  The hurt is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but I'm going into this holiday season with more hope than I've had before.  It may not be our child at the airport this time or our child going door to door begging for candy but the possibilities for next year are wide open.

Tomorrow is our follow-up appointment with Dr. C so we should have a clear outline of the schedule for the next month.  Now, we just have to wait for cd1 to arrive!

Last Test Done

Listening to:  Strange Love by Goo Goo Dolls

This morning I had the ultrasound done to make sure there was nothing unusual going on "down there".  Unlike the incident with the my appendix and it's unusual decision to grow up rather than down, everything is exactly where it should be.  One tube is definitely open and they can't say for certain that both are open without subjecting me to IV contrast and a rash so I'm content with knowing at least I have one to work with.

All things considered, the testing went fine.  I passed all my tests and B sorta passed his so now we've just got to convince my eggs to join the party and we'll actually have a real chance at getting pregnant.

The next appointment is on Monday and we'll be discussing the medication that we will be using in this first cycle.  Timing wise, it looks like the first cycle will be mid-November so the possibility of us finally granting my mother's Christmas wish could actually come true this year.

The Infertility Marathon

Listening to: Silence

We met with the RE as planned on the 13th.  The meeting went better than I expected it to and for that I am so grateful.  She wanted to check my AMH level, do an HSG, and have B's "gang" tested as part of our initial work-up.  She also put me on 500mg of Glucophage which she thinks might help regulate my hormones.  I spoke with the doctor on Friday who let me know my AMH level was fine and that she thought our best starting point would be the Femara.  If I don't ovulate within the first cycle on the medication, we're going to move on to Femara and injections to try and beat my ovaries into submission.

We briefly talked about B's results.  Most all of his numbers were fine but the numbers for motility were lower than normal and she said that it wouldn't be a bad idea to consider doing an IUI just to improve the chances of conceiving.  It looks like our baby is going to end up being created in the least personal way possible...but it will still be created out of love so that's a good thing! My HSG is scheduled for Tuesday and I absolutely CAN'T wait to be subjected to that torture.  A fun time will be had by all.  On the positive side, she doesn't expect to see anything unusual so another positive mark in our column.  We have a follow up appointment with her on 10/26 to go over protocols and then we just have to wait until I have another period to begin.  She wants me to give it 30 days and if I haven't started, she'll call me in a round or progesterone to force the start.  So, it's looking like it will be after 11/8 before we can start the first cycle....but it will be here before you know it.

I'm trying to keep a level head about all of this but I'm finding it difficult to not be excited beyond belief.  All my free time is spent thinking about what will happen when we finally get pregnant and for the first time, I feel hopeful.  I am just praying that this works out for us and that I won't be faced with even further disappointment.  For now, I'm focusing on losing weight, looking at baby furniture, and imagining how I want to decorate the nursery.  I can't wait for it to become a reality!

Is This Week Already Ruined?

Listening to: Possibility by Lykke Li

If I could go back to bed and start this day over, I would. Have you ever had one of those days that you just were pissed off and there wasn't any one thing or person that put you in that mood? Today is that way for me.

In reality, I should be feeling happy and excited for tomorrow but I'm beginning to feel like this is just a foreshadowing of the mood I'm going to be in tomorrow evening. Actually, the pissed off feeling started on Saturday when I started my period. My last period was 8/20.....and wouldn't you know that my period would show up right before my appointment. I'm not sure what this means but I'm afraid this is going to push us further out and delay starting our first cycle again. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me to not go to the doctor! In any case, I'm still going tomorrow. But I'm already feeling annoyed about the whole appointment.

I got a sneak preview of the New Moon soundtrack (which is officially released 10/20). I find it lacking and I'm really disappointed in the overall sound. On the Twilight soundtrack, there were several catchy tunes right from the get go. Not so much on this one. Of the 15 songs on the track list, only three capture my attention, four kinda grows on me, one appeals to the classical side of me, three make me wonder WTF, and the rest I don't even remember. I'm hoping that if I take the time and listen to each track, I'll see the value of each. Here is the track list, with my initial thoughts:

• Meet Me On The Equinox by Death Cab For Cutie - Kinda reminded me of Spotlight by Mutemath off the Twilight soundtrack.  It's catchy and probably one of my favorites off the whole album.
• Friends by Band of Skulls - Eh...jury is still out on this one.  Sort of sounds like the lead singer of BTE.  I doubt it'll be one that I just HAVE to hear over and over.
• Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke - Hate it.  I feel like I'm in a bad 80s music video.
• Possibility by Lykke Li - Surprisingly good if you can get past the fact that she sounds like MIA.
• A White Demon Love Song by The Killers - Usually one of my favorite bands but I really wasn't feeling this song.  Maybe I need to hear it a couple of times for it to grow on me.
• Satellite Heart by Anya Marina - If Colbie Caillat and Jewel had a baby, it would be this singer.  It's definitely not memorable.
• I Belong To You (New Moon Remix) by Muse - When I first heard the original version of this song on Muse's latest album, I hated it.  I told B that in order for me to like it on the New Moon soundtrack, it would have to be a completely different song.  That was a while ago.  Having heard the remix, I appreciate the original version so much more.  Another one of my ultimate favorite bands but they should have stuck with the original version...the remix is lacking.
• Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent - A song that I'll forget about as soon as I go to the next one.  I get the symbolism though...
• Done All Wrong by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Love it.  It sounds so much like an Edward song.  Full of angst and pain which is typical of the whole Bella/Edward relationship. 
• Monsters by Hurricane Bells - I find myself wanting to fine tune the station because it sounds like horrible reception.  For some reason, I imagine Barney singing this.  Ugh, moving on.
• The Violet Hour by Sea Wolf - Has potential to become a favorite.  It's such a Jacob song and it really makes me feel for the poor guy.
• Shooting The Moon by Ok Go - Another band that I really enjoy but it took a couple of listens to really get into this one.  Probably the second strongest song on the album (next to Meet Me On The Equinox).
• Slow Life by Grizzly Bear -  The simplicity of this one is what first draws me in.  Not a favorite but it doesn't make my ears bleed either.
• No Sound But The Wind by Editors - This one made me question their sanity.  Really? Were you just trying to fill up the album and this was the bottom of the barrel? I keep expecting it to break into the Big Love opener.  The lyrics are deep but the music just ruins it.
• New Moon (The Meadow) by Alexandre Desplat - Strictly appeals to my classical love.  It would have been better if they could have continued with Bella's Lullaby from the first movie because this one doesn't really sound similar and that song was a constant throughout the books.

Obviously the soundtrack is a mixed bag of songs/crap.  Overall, I'm disappointed because I expected so much better and have been counting down the days till the release date.  So poor soundtrack + crappy ovaries + annoyance with male population + being a monday = really bad day.