Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Thursday, April 08, 2010
2nd Beta Results - 14 dpo
I just spoke with my doctor and my Beta this morning was 200 which is a great number. They like to see the number double every 48 hours which mine definitely did. In fact, my doubling time was almost 36 hours. Our first OB scan is 4/26 at 8AM and this will be when we get to see a heartbeat and they will determine how many babies are in our future. I feel great about today's numbers and I'll feel even better after we see the heartbeat! Today is a great day!
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
We're PREGNANT! - 12 dpo
After the trigger shot that I took on 3/23, I was concerned that I wouldn't ovulate...I mean, it had been a damn uphill battle just to get me to ovulate so I wasn't 100% convinced that a single HCG shot was going to do it for me. I brought up my concerns when we went in for the IUI and Angela (the nurse) said that I had to take a leap of faith and just trust that it did what it was supposed to do. So, I begrudgingly did as she asked and just took that jump.
Of course, we then hit the horrible 2ww and I will admit that I was a little obsessive about analyzing any and all "pregnancy" symptoms. As we got closer to our Easter trip home, I became more and more convinced that the IUI didn't work and I was definitely not pregnant. All things considered, I was ok with that...we could always do another round of injections and I was going to insist that they give me two trigger shots this next time instead of just the one.
Saturday was spent having an Easter picnic at Sugar Hollow and was full of people asking me if we were pregnant yet. Saturday night, when I wiped with the toilet paper, it was slightly...faintly....pink but I pushed the thought out of my head. Sunday morning, there were a couple of other instances of the pink spotting and I was beginning to wonder if it was possible that I was experiencing implantation bleeding. My friend, J, told me her implantation bleeding story and it sounded really similar but I didn't dare to hope.
Monday morning, I woke up from a horrible dream in which B got us banned from a Harris Teeter for stealing a pregnancy test. Before I even realized what I was doing, I had PIAC and dipped an internet test strip. Three minutes later, it had a faint second line. My hands were shaking as I called B and he immediately wanted to see pics of this "positive" test. Unfortunately, in the pictures it was so faint that you almost thought you were imagining it. I decided to take another brand around 9:30 and it was without a doubt positive so I took it and went to the Triangle to have lunch with B so that he could see.
On the way home, I purchased a pack of digital tests and waited for B to get home to take it. Two minutes after putting the cap on, it popped up the single most beautiful word in the world: PREGNANT. We couldn't deny it now.....we were pregnant.
Monday evening was pretty much spent on the phone telling our family and by 10 PM I was ready for bed. Tuesday morning dawned (after a very restless night of sleep) and I PIAC and dipped a non-digital test that I had also purchased Monday. Three minutes later....only one line, my heart fell through the floor. Refusing to admit defeat, I pulled out the extra digital and dipped it. Two minutes later....PREGNANT. I went back to the remaining non-digital and tested it.........no line. Two internet strips.....extremely faint lines. B said not to worry, to call the doctor, have the blood test, and relax. As soon as he left, I went to four different places (most stores are not open at 6:45 in the morning) and bought three different boxes. I went back to the house and dipped again. The non-digital one was super faint but the two digital test both said PREGNANT. I was scared and worried and had to wait until 8:20 for me to reach someone at the doctor's office.
The appointment was made for me to come in for the blood draw at 10 AM and I was home by 10:30 AM. At around 11:30 AM, Angela called with the results.....................I was officially pregnant. Levels are below:
This journal's focus will be shifting in the coming weeks from a summary of my life with infertility to a journal of my life as we make plans to welcome our little one at the end of the year. It has been a difficult journey...one I never thought we'd see the end of, but I'm so glad to be moving on to the next phase of my life with B and "Wilson".
Of course, we then hit the horrible 2ww and I will admit that I was a little obsessive about analyzing any and all "pregnancy" symptoms. As we got closer to our Easter trip home, I became more and more convinced that the IUI didn't work and I was definitely not pregnant. All things considered, I was ok with that...we could always do another round of injections and I was going to insist that they give me two trigger shots this next time instead of just the one.
Saturday was spent having an Easter picnic at Sugar Hollow and was full of people asking me if we were pregnant yet. Saturday night, when I wiped with the toilet paper, it was slightly...faintly....pink but I pushed the thought out of my head. Sunday morning, there were a couple of other instances of the pink spotting and I was beginning to wonder if it was possible that I was experiencing implantation bleeding. My friend, J, told me her implantation bleeding story and it sounded really similar but I didn't dare to hope.
Monday morning, I woke up from a horrible dream in which B got us banned from a Harris Teeter for stealing a pregnancy test. Before I even realized what I was doing, I had PIAC and dipped an internet test strip. Three minutes later, it had a faint second line. My hands were shaking as I called B and he immediately wanted to see pics of this "positive" test. Unfortunately, in the pictures it was so faint that you almost thought you were imagining it. I decided to take another brand around 9:30 and it was without a doubt positive so I took it and went to the Triangle to have lunch with B so that he could see.
On the way home, I purchased a pack of digital tests and waited for B to get home to take it. Two minutes after putting the cap on, it popped up the single most beautiful word in the world: PREGNANT. We couldn't deny it now.....we were pregnant.
Monday evening was pretty much spent on the phone telling our family and by 10 PM I was ready for bed. Tuesday morning dawned (after a very restless night of sleep) and I PIAC and dipped a non-digital test that I had also purchased Monday. Three minutes later....only one line, my heart fell through the floor. Refusing to admit defeat, I pulled out the extra digital and dipped it. Two minutes later....PREGNANT. I went back to the remaining non-digital and tested it.........no line. Two internet strips.....extremely faint lines. B said not to worry, to call the doctor, have the blood test, and relax. As soon as he left, I went to four different places (most stores are not open at 6:45 in the morning) and bought three different boxes. I went back to the house and dipped again. The non-digital one was super faint but the two digital test both said PREGNANT. I was scared and worried and had to wait until 8:20 for me to reach someone at the doctor's office.
The appointment was made for me to come in for the blood draw at 10 AM and I was home by 10:30 AM. At around 11:30 AM, Angela called with the results.....................I was officially pregnant. Levels are below:
- HCG - 79
- Progesterone - 29
This journal's focus will be shifting in the coming weeks from a summary of my life with infertility to a journal of my life as we make plans to welcome our little one at the end of the year. It has been a difficult journey...one I never thought we'd see the end of, but I'm so glad to be moving on to the next phase of my life with B and "Wilson".
Friday, October 09, 2009
Weekly Wrap-Up
Listening to: Take A Picture by Filter
So another week has come to an end and we're quickly moving through October. B will be leaving next weekend for a vacation trip with his family so I'll be living it up as a single woman the week of the 17th through the 24th. When I say living it up I mean watching chick flicks, reading, crocheting, and snuggling with the dog....yep, that's living it up for me! I'm a little sad that B isn't going to be here for the Blue October concert in Charlotte on the 23rd because I would LOVE to see them perform again.
Looking at the weekends for the remainder of 2009, I can already see that the coming months are going to be full of stress. October's weekends are pretty much booked. With B flying out and back in on Saturdays, it pretty much shoots two weekends in the foot. We might be going to Charlotte for Halloween weekend so that takes up the last weekend. November has B's family coming down the weekend before Thanksgiving and us going to Abingdon Thanksgiving weekend. One weekend we've devoted to celebrating my birthday which only leaves us with one open weekend in November. I was hoping we could go home sometime before Thanksgiving but it's looking doubtful. There is always the possibility that we could go home two weekends in November but I doubt I'll be able to convince B to do it.
I still waiting for my GRE scores to be sent to ECU. Hopefully, I'll be getting good news on that front and can start figuring out what classes to take. Personally, I'm excited at the prospect of going back to school and having homework, projects, and tests to work on.
On the "Project Baby Making" front, we've only got a few more days until the appointment. I'm going to get a notebook this weekend and start jotting down questions that I want to ask. I'm also planning to call a friend of mine who worked in an OB/GYN office and get her advice on questions to ask. Last night we had a discussion about who we would want to raise our child/children should something happen to us and we both agree that there is no clear-cut solution. Although we love our parents and think they are going to be great grandparents, we're reluctant to ask them to be guardians because they've reached a point in their lives where they've raised their own kids and shouldn't be starting over with new ones.
B has a brother and a sister, and I have a brother. B's brother isn't really into having major responsibilities and I wouldn't want to burden him with one. B's sister is a good candidate because she's financially stable, young, and in a solid relationship. But, she's more than likely not going to be living anywhere close to my parents and it is extremely important that my parents be involved after we're gone (they don't have the same financial freedom to see their grandchild whenever). My brother is a good candidate as well. He's young, he would have a bigger support system to help him, and his views on raising children are similar to our own. I know that he wants children someday and I know that he would make an excellent father. The downside is that he's not yet financially stable and he is single. Now I know that the financially stable part shouldn't be that big of a deal because our entire estate would go to our child so there wouldn't be too much of a burden on whoever ends up as guardian. I just struggle with the fact that he's single and I worry about the type of women he could bring into our child's life. He would essentially go from an eligible man with no baggage to an eligible man with baggage and I would hate to do that to him. We even talked about asking our close friends but I'm afraid of what kind of message that would be sending to our families. In any case, it's a big decision that would need to be made but we've got plenty of time to talk about it.
B will be studying most of the weekend but we have a date tomorrow night. Otherwise, I'll be spending my weekend working on my crochet project. The weather is gonna be sucky this weekend so it's a perfect time to stay inside and just relax before the madness starts!
So another week has come to an end and we're quickly moving through October. B will be leaving next weekend for a vacation trip with his family so I'll be living it up as a single woman the week of the 17th through the 24th. When I say living it up I mean watching chick flicks, reading, crocheting, and snuggling with the dog....yep, that's living it up for me! I'm a little sad that B isn't going to be here for the Blue October concert in Charlotte on the 23rd because I would LOVE to see them perform again.
Looking at the weekends for the remainder of 2009, I can already see that the coming months are going to be full of stress. October's weekends are pretty much booked. With B flying out and back in on Saturdays, it pretty much shoots two weekends in the foot. We might be going to Charlotte for Halloween weekend so that takes up the last weekend. November has B's family coming down the weekend before Thanksgiving and us going to Abingdon Thanksgiving weekend. One weekend we've devoted to celebrating my birthday which only leaves us with one open weekend in November. I was hoping we could go home sometime before Thanksgiving but it's looking doubtful. There is always the possibility that we could go home two weekends in November but I doubt I'll be able to convince B to do it.
I still waiting for my GRE scores to be sent to ECU. Hopefully, I'll be getting good news on that front and can start figuring out what classes to take. Personally, I'm excited at the prospect of going back to school and having homework, projects, and tests to work on.
On the "Project Baby Making" front, we've only got a few more days until the appointment. I'm going to get a notebook this weekend and start jotting down questions that I want to ask. I'm also planning to call a friend of mine who worked in an OB/GYN office and get her advice on questions to ask. Last night we had a discussion about who we would want to raise our child/children should something happen to us and we both agree that there is no clear-cut solution. Although we love our parents and think they are going to be great grandparents, we're reluctant to ask them to be guardians because they've reached a point in their lives where they've raised their own kids and shouldn't be starting over with new ones.
B has a brother and a sister, and I have a brother. B's brother isn't really into having major responsibilities and I wouldn't want to burden him with one. B's sister is a good candidate because she's financially stable, young, and in a solid relationship. But, she's more than likely not going to be living anywhere close to my parents and it is extremely important that my parents be involved after we're gone (they don't have the same financial freedom to see their grandchild whenever). My brother is a good candidate as well. He's young, he would have a bigger support system to help him, and his views on raising children are similar to our own. I know that he wants children someday and I know that he would make an excellent father. The downside is that he's not yet financially stable and he is single. Now I know that the financially stable part shouldn't be that big of a deal because our entire estate would go to our child so there wouldn't be too much of a burden on whoever ends up as guardian. I just struggle with the fact that he's single and I worry about the type of women he could bring into our child's life. He would essentially go from an eligible man with no baggage to an eligible man with baggage and I would hate to do that to him. We even talked about asking our close friends but I'm afraid of what kind of message that would be sending to our families. In any case, it's a big decision that would need to be made but we've got plenty of time to talk about it.
B will be studying most of the weekend but we have a date tomorrow night. Otherwise, I'll be spending my weekend working on my crochet project. The weather is gonna be sucky this weekend so it's a perfect time to stay inside and just relax before the madness starts!
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Off the diet topic
This past weekend, B and I had the opportunity to travel with my mom, brother, and grandmother to Washington, DC to visit some family. I had seen Aunt Ruth, Gary and Liz at my grandfather's funeral (almost a year ago) but hadn't seen Diana and Alexandra since I was 15. It was so nice to be around family that we hadn't spent a lot of time with. It was also good to be around Aunt Ruth since she is the last sibling of my grandfather's that is still alive. To hear the stories and see the pictures of a generation ago...it was so thrilling to have new visions of my grandfather to think about when I feel sad.
My Aunt Ruth is a dear, sweet lady. She is always so thoughtful and always so vocal about how great it is for us to visit. She is definitely a very special lady and I have always been closer to her above all of my grandfather's other siblings. I know that she has had a really hard year, having to experience the death of her brother, sister, and brother-in-law within the span of four months. It has been an eye opening experience for her since this was the first time in her long life that she feels old.
To see her in action, you would never believe that she is 87 years old. In fact, she's got more get-up-and-go than most 50 year olds. If I am even half as mobile and rowdy at her age when I'm 87, I will be eternally happy. She mentioned to me, while giving me a tour of her active adult community, that having us come to visit filled a void that she had felt since my grandfather passed away. Those words stuck me more deeply than she could have ever imagined.
It hadn't occurred to me that Aunt Ruth saw us as the last link she had of my grandfather and being with us helped her feel more at peace with his death. She has a loving family of her own, but she also needs to feel and be reassured of our love for her too. She also mentioned that our visit had helped relieve a lot of guilt that she had but before I could ask what guilt, her eyes started to shimmer and I knew it was better to not push further and cause her to feel even more sadness. Maybe she felt guilty for continuing to live when all of her siblings are gone. Maybe she felt guilty because she didn't get to spend time with him right before he passed away. Maybe it was even guilt for not being more involved in our lives. I don't know if I will ever find the reason for her guilt.
If granddad were here, he would tell her to not feel guilty for living because it just wasn't her time to go. He'd tell her that the end would be here soon enough so she needed to make each day count and be comforted in the knowledge that when it was all said and done...her siblings, parents, and loved ones would be there for her again. He would tell her that even though she wasn't there at the end, he knew she loved him and that their last weekend together was full of his favorite memories and the sound of laughter. He would tell her that even though we are a family that is cast to all parts of the country, we are still a family and no amount of distance could break that bond. We may not see each other as often as we like but we're never far from our thoughts.
He would also appreciate the quote from Julie Burchill that I have on my Facebook:
"Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile."
He would say that he had lived his life completely and was ready to go. How can I possibly disagree with him? Realizing that grief is really for the living, I can't cry for what we've lost because I know that he's happy and I am happy for him. My only hope is that spending time with Aunt Ruth this weekend allowed her to heal and let go of any guilt that she might have felt because life is too short and too precious to go around feeling guilty.
My Aunt Ruth is a dear, sweet lady. She is always so thoughtful and always so vocal about how great it is for us to visit. She is definitely a very special lady and I have always been closer to her above all of my grandfather's other siblings. I know that she has had a really hard year, having to experience the death of her brother, sister, and brother-in-law within the span of four months. It has been an eye opening experience for her since this was the first time in her long life that she feels old.
To see her in action, you would never believe that she is 87 years old. In fact, she's got more get-up-and-go than most 50 year olds. If I am even half as mobile and rowdy at her age when I'm 87, I will be eternally happy. She mentioned to me, while giving me a tour of her active adult community, that having us come to visit filled a void that she had felt since my grandfather passed away. Those words stuck me more deeply than she could have ever imagined.
It hadn't occurred to me that Aunt Ruth saw us as the last link she had of my grandfather and being with us helped her feel more at peace with his death. She has a loving family of her own, but she also needs to feel and be reassured of our love for her too. She also mentioned that our visit had helped relieve a lot of guilt that she had but before I could ask what guilt, her eyes started to shimmer and I knew it was better to not push further and cause her to feel even more sadness. Maybe she felt guilty for continuing to live when all of her siblings are gone. Maybe she felt guilty because she didn't get to spend time with him right before he passed away. Maybe it was even guilt for not being more involved in our lives. I don't know if I will ever find the reason for her guilt.
If granddad were here, he would tell her to not feel guilty for living because it just wasn't her time to go. He'd tell her that the end would be here soon enough so she needed to make each day count and be comforted in the knowledge that when it was all said and done...her siblings, parents, and loved ones would be there for her again. He would tell her that even though she wasn't there at the end, he knew she loved him and that their last weekend together was full of his favorite memories and the sound of laughter. He would tell her that even though we are a family that is cast to all parts of the country, we are still a family and no amount of distance could break that bond. We may not see each other as often as we like but we're never far from our thoughts.
He would also appreciate the quote from Julie Burchill that I have on my Facebook:
"Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile."
He would say that he had lived his life completely and was ready to go. How can I possibly disagree with him? Realizing that grief is really for the living, I can't cry for what we've lost because I know that he's happy and I am happy for him. My only hope is that spending time with Aunt Ruth this weekend allowed her to heal and let go of any guilt that she might have felt because life is too short and too precious to go around feeling guilty.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Latest Happenings....
It has been a few weeks since I've had time to actually sit down and focus some time on my poor, neglected blog. Since my last posting, I went to a baby shower for our dear friends whose pregnancy has been nothing short of an emotional roller coaster for myself and my own issues with infertility. It was the first time I have seen her since before she got pregnant and it was the first time I had spoken to her since they announced their news (aside from a letter explaining why I was being so distant). I thought I was prepared and I thought it wouldn't be too painful but I was wrong on both accounts. I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming emotions of seeing her and wishing that I was pregnant. I wasn't prepared to feel so hurt because the struggle for us has been so difficult but yet so easy for everyone else. I tried to put on a happy face and pretend that everything was fine but even she noticed how quiet I was. Luckily, I had my mom there and she was quick to suggest that we go home when she saw that my armor was starting to crack. The whole experience reminded me of a piece of flair that I have on my Facebook that says:
"I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's all a dream, and pretend it's not hurting me."
B is wanting to go see them in February one last time before the baby arrives and everything changes. As of right now, I've committed to going but I'm not going to force myself if I'm going to spend the whole weekend upset. It's not fair to them and it wouldn't be fair to me. Enough about that stuff now!
Recent announcements were made at work that put my job and its stability into question. I wallowed in pity and worry for about 5 days but I've smacked myself in the face and told myself to get over it. At this point, we still don't know anything but I've decided that I'm not going to worry about it. If I get laid off, I get laid off and no amount of worrying is going to change it. On the other hand, if I don't get laid off...I will not have wasted time worrying about something that didn't happen. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic...maybe I'm in denial....but either way, I feel like I'm in a better mental state than I was on January 14th.
The family drama has died down some. The family has split itself up into two camps...us and them. Some of us aren't even interested in ever talking to some of them ever again while some of us try to bridge the gap with those in the them group. I've resigned myself to the fact that our family is never going to be the way it used to be but my life goes on. I've got my own family and don't feel like I'm missing out by closing others out of my life. I find it easier and less stressful to just shut doors permanently rather than keeping them partially open and letting myself be repeatedly hurt by the actions of others. Walls are easier to be built while you are strong rather than waiting until you are too weak. By the same token, walls are easier to be torn down when you are strong too...not that I think that these walls will ever come down again. I'm not opposed to the family working it out and becoming the one cohesive group we used to be but it's going to take a lot of work and positive actions from them before I'm even willing to acknowledge them. Maybe I'm being pigheaded and difficult but I value my mental sanity and I despise tumultuous relationships with members of my own family so I'm just stopping it now. My friend David is probably rolling his eyes though because it's just one more wall I've got now and oh how he hates those damn walls!
February is going to be a crazy month...the weekends are already getting full. Spring is around the corner and I can't wait! That's all I've got in me for now!
"I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's all a dream, and pretend it's not hurting me."
B is wanting to go see them in February one last time before the baby arrives and everything changes. As of right now, I've committed to going but I'm not going to force myself if I'm going to spend the whole weekend upset. It's not fair to them and it wouldn't be fair to me. Enough about that stuff now!
Recent announcements were made at work that put my job and its stability into question. I wallowed in pity and worry for about 5 days but I've smacked myself in the face and told myself to get over it. At this point, we still don't know anything but I've decided that I'm not going to worry about it. If I get laid off, I get laid off and no amount of worrying is going to change it. On the other hand, if I don't get laid off...I will not have wasted time worrying about something that didn't happen. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic...maybe I'm in denial....but either way, I feel like I'm in a better mental state than I was on January 14th.
The family drama has died down some. The family has split itself up into two camps...us and them. Some of us aren't even interested in ever talking to some of them ever again while some of us try to bridge the gap with those in the them group. I've resigned myself to the fact that our family is never going to be the way it used to be but my life goes on. I've got my own family and don't feel like I'm missing out by closing others out of my life. I find it easier and less stressful to just shut doors permanently rather than keeping them partially open and letting myself be repeatedly hurt by the actions of others. Walls are easier to be built while you are strong rather than waiting until you are too weak. By the same token, walls are easier to be torn down when you are strong too...not that I think that these walls will ever come down again. I'm not opposed to the family working it out and becoming the one cohesive group we used to be but it's going to take a lot of work and positive actions from them before I'm even willing to acknowledge them. Maybe I'm being pigheaded and difficult but I value my mental sanity and I despise tumultuous relationships with members of my own family so I'm just stopping it now. My friend David is probably rolling his eyes though because it's just one more wall I've got now and oh how he hates those damn walls!
February is going to be a crazy month...the weekends are already getting full. Spring is around the corner and I can't wait! That's all I've got in me for now!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
It's THAT time of the year!
I really think that Christmas has become too commercialized over the past few years and it is that commercialization that causes me unnecessary stress. Not only do I obsess over the perfect gifts to give my family but I also have to worry about coming up with ideas for them to give to me. So, it's really two Christmas shopping lists I come up with...everyone else's and my own.
Of course, coming up with my wish list is always harder because I don't like to think about it and end up procrastinating until the last possible minute. Not only does this stress out the people who have no idea what to give me but it usually involves me naming off little stuff that I don't really want or need. I am very fortunate to live my life because there are very few things that I want that I don't just go out and get for myself. Of course there are some things that I want that I don't have but those items are WAY too expensive for anyone (but B) to get me as a gift. In reality, B is so practical and would never indulge me by buying those things but I have a 10 year plan that will allow me to collect these items over time so I don't worry about not having them now.
This year it is important that I think about all the things that I have been grateful for in 2008. It has been an emotionally trying time for me and my family and I think I need to remind myself of all the good things that has happened.
1. My husband, mom, dad, and brother for getting me through this year with my sanity even when they had their own hurt, grief, and anger to get through.
2. My grandmother for proving to me that the world did not cease to exist when it felt like it would.
3. My grandfather for still thinking of others when he was dying himself. I miss you more than anyone else realizes!
4. My extended family for being there with us when we needed them. For comforting my loved ones while I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to do the same for them.
5. My co-workers and boss for giving me the time and freedom to spend those last few weeks in July with my grandfather and grandmother. Thank you for letting me physically be where my thoughts and heart already were.
6. The company I work for which provided me the technology and flexibility to really work anytime from anyplace. Having that freedom made it easier for me to take care of my family.
7. My friends for being there and thinking of me and showing me that I had people outside of my family who loved me. I've never been one to have many friends but the ones I do have are fiercely loyal and I would go through hell and back from them.
8. My Fez for somehow understanding who needed the most attention in the days that followed my grandfather's death. It was amazing to me to see the way he provided silent strength to my grandmother when we brought her home from the hospice house that morning. He never left her side. I had never seen him be like that with anyone else but he knew she needed something and he was willing to be that something. He spent days going from one person to the next...just being there...and that just reinforces that I will never have another dog like him.
9. The ability to laugh and reminisce about the good times without feeling overwhelmed with sorrow. Keeping the memories alive keeps the spirit alive.
10. My home. Having a place to retreat to when I felt like I was going to break, a place to start new family traditions when old ones seemed just to hard to face. A quiet place to be...the home I always wanted to have with B.
I have so many things to be grateful about and I look forward to 2009 and all the surprises that wait for me there. Merry Christmas!
Of course, coming up with my wish list is always harder because I don't like to think about it and end up procrastinating until the last possible minute. Not only does this stress out the people who have no idea what to give me but it usually involves me naming off little stuff that I don't really want or need. I am very fortunate to live my life because there are very few things that I want that I don't just go out and get for myself. Of course there are some things that I want that I don't have but those items are WAY too expensive for anyone (but B) to get me as a gift. In reality, B is so practical and would never indulge me by buying those things but I have a 10 year plan that will allow me to collect these items over time so I don't worry about not having them now.
This year it is important that I think about all the things that I have been grateful for in 2008. It has been an emotionally trying time for me and my family and I think I need to remind myself of all the good things that has happened.
1. My husband, mom, dad, and brother for getting me through this year with my sanity even when they had their own hurt, grief, and anger to get through.
2. My grandmother for proving to me that the world did not cease to exist when it felt like it would.
3. My grandfather for still thinking of others when he was dying himself. I miss you more than anyone else realizes!
4. My extended family for being there with us when we needed them. For comforting my loved ones while I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to do the same for them.
5. My co-workers and boss for giving me the time and freedom to spend those last few weeks in July with my grandfather and grandmother. Thank you for letting me physically be where my thoughts and heart already were.
6. The company I work for which provided me the technology and flexibility to really work anytime from anyplace. Having that freedom made it easier for me to take care of my family.
7. My friends for being there and thinking of me and showing me that I had people outside of my family who loved me. I've never been one to have many friends but the ones I do have are fiercely loyal and I would go through hell and back from them.
8. My Fez for somehow understanding who needed the most attention in the days that followed my grandfather's death. It was amazing to me to see the way he provided silent strength to my grandmother when we brought her home from the hospice house that morning. He never left her side. I had never seen him be like that with anyone else but he knew she needed something and he was willing to be that something. He spent days going from one person to the next...just being there...and that just reinforces that I will never have another dog like him.
9. The ability to laugh and reminisce about the good times without feeling overwhelmed with sorrow. Keeping the memories alive keeps the spirit alive.
10. My home. Having a place to retreat to when I felt like I was going to break, a place to start new family traditions when old ones seemed just to hard to face. A quiet place to be...the home I always wanted to have with B.
I have so many things to be grateful about and I look forward to 2009 and all the surprises that wait for me there. Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Tired of all the drama
It's only Tuesday but I already feel like this has been the longest week ever. The family drama is really starting to wear on my nerves and I can't help but feel like it is going to get worse before it gets better.
What makes me so mad is that none of this would be happening if my grandfather was still around. This all started the day we buried him (July 27th) and the longer it goes on, the more the anger and hurt build. My mom says that what is going on is between her and her brothers to work out but they aren't working it out. As much as they think this doesn't affect the others in the family, it does. Unfortunately, the kids are forced to pick sides and who's side are we going to be on if not our parent's? Bruce will be sentenced on 11/20 and I'm pretty confident he will be remanded directly to jail. No one knows for sure how long he is going to be away. Maybe being locked up is the best thing for him. I hate it for my grandmother and for mom and Jerry because he's going to go away without this being resolved.
I'm so angry with grandmother right now because I've seen her play favorites for the first time in my life. This wasn't something that was such an issue when my grandfather was around. I blame her for all of this drama too. She's stirring it up and taking sides...rather than stepping up as the leader of the family and putting a stop to it.
Ugh, I'm dreading this weekend and the holiday season....
What makes me so mad is that none of this would be happening if my grandfather was still around. This all started the day we buried him (July 27th) and the longer it goes on, the more the anger and hurt build. My mom says that what is going on is between her and her brothers to work out but they aren't working it out. As much as they think this doesn't affect the others in the family, it does. Unfortunately, the kids are forced to pick sides and who's side are we going to be on if not our parent's? Bruce will be sentenced on 11/20 and I'm pretty confident he will be remanded directly to jail. No one knows for sure how long he is going to be away. Maybe being locked up is the best thing for him. I hate it for my grandmother and for mom and Jerry because he's going to go away without this being resolved.
I'm so angry with grandmother right now because I've seen her play favorites for the first time in my life. This wasn't something that was such an issue when my grandfather was around. I blame her for all of this drama too. She's stirring it up and taking sides...rather than stepping up as the leader of the family and putting a stop to it.
Ugh, I'm dreading this weekend and the holiday season....
Monday, October 20, 2008
Stuff, stuff, and more stuff
Frankly, I didn't think Sunday would get here soon enough. I had been waiting all week long for the next episode of TrueBlood! Last night's episode didn't disappoint...but personally, I thought the first 2 minutes were the best. There are two things I will complain about though. First, another week has gone by without further developing the storyline with Eric! Second, I now have another 6 days until the next episode comes on. What really sucks is that there are only 5 more episodes left in this season...which also is the number of chapters in the first book. I REALLY don't know how I'm going to be able to make it once the show is on hiatus and the next book isn't due out until MAY!
I was able to keep busy this weekend though. We ran some errands and I bought a KVM switch for my desktop computer. Yesterday, I got my work area cleaned up and installed all the stuff on my desktop that had been recently formatted. I installed a new game too and spent a lot of time trying it out. I watched 8 episodes of Angel from season 1...mainly hoping that the distraction of a non-Bill/non-Eric vampire would somehow make me forget how long I had until the next episode. It didn't help.
We're going back to Abingdon this weekend. Mom's chicks should be arriving on Wednesday and she's super excited. Matt will be staying with us next week. I've also got some family drama going on that I'm going to have to deal with. I'm so tired of all this crap going on within the family since my grandfather's death. Hopefully, grandmother and I will have some time to talk this weekend.
I was able to keep busy this weekend though. We ran some errands and I bought a KVM switch for my desktop computer. Yesterday, I got my work area cleaned up and installed all the stuff on my desktop that had been recently formatted. I installed a new game too and spent a lot of time trying it out. I watched 8 episodes of Angel from season 1...mainly hoping that the distraction of a non-Bill/non-Eric vampire would somehow make me forget how long I had until the next episode. It didn't help.
We're going back to Abingdon this weekend. Mom's chicks should be arriving on Wednesday and she's super excited. Matt will be staying with us next week. I've also got some family drama going on that I'm going to have to deal with. I'm so tired of all this crap going on within the family since my grandfather's death. Hopefully, grandmother and I will have some time to talk this weekend.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I've been busy....I'm sorry!
I can't believe that it has been a month since I posted anything to my blog. I've had so much going on and I just really haven't felt like writing about stuff.
Our dining room table was delivered and looks amazing. I'm so happy with the purchase...now if I could just get B's dad to come get the old one! I finally got my Monet replica framed and it is a huge piece! Right now it's setting on the mantel of the fireplace. Here is what it looks like though:
B actually got me the painting 2 years ago. He sent this art company a picture of the Monet painting and they do a museum quality replica of it using the same medium that the original is done in. It took them 12 to 16 weeks to finish it but the end result is stunning. The real Monet painting has very special memories for us because it is a painting that actually hangs in the NC MoA and that is the first art museum I ever visited...and B was the one who took me. *sigh*
While he was on his railfan vacation, he picked me up a beautiful photograph of Seattle with Mt. Rainer in the background. I picked it up from the frame shop last week and hung it on the wall of our breakfast nook (directly above the dog's bowl...he like art too!).
While we were home this weekend, my grandmother gave me the "End of the Trail" print that B and I got my grandfather several years ago. It was extremely important to him that I have it once he passed away but I wanted grandmother to keep it as long as she wanted to. Here is the print:
Right now, I have it sitting on the dining room table but I am going to hang it in our bedroom this weekend. It's important to me that I put it somewhere that I will see it everyday because it was definitely something he looked at everyday.
I will write more later because I still haven't covered Thanksgiving 2008, TrueBlood, and The Southern Vampire Series that I've been reading. Like I said, I've been busy!
Our dining room table was delivered and looks amazing. I'm so happy with the purchase...now if I could just get B's dad to come get the old one! I finally got my Monet replica framed and it is a huge piece! Right now it's setting on the mantel of the fireplace. Here is what it looks like though:
B actually got me the painting 2 years ago. He sent this art company a picture of the Monet painting and they do a museum quality replica of it using the same medium that the original is done in. It took them 12 to 16 weeks to finish it but the end result is stunning. The real Monet painting has very special memories for us because it is a painting that actually hangs in the NC MoA and that is the first art museum I ever visited...and B was the one who took me. *sigh*
While he was on his railfan vacation, he picked me up a beautiful photograph of Seattle with Mt. Rainer in the background. I picked it up from the frame shop last week and hung it on the wall of our breakfast nook (directly above the dog's bowl...he like art too!).
While we were home this weekend, my grandmother gave me the "End of the Trail" print that B and I got my grandfather several years ago. It was extremely important to him that I have it once he passed away but I wanted grandmother to keep it as long as she wanted to. Here is the print:
Right now, I have it sitting on the dining room table but I am going to hang it in our bedroom this weekend. It's important to me that I put it somewhere that I will see it everyday because it was definitely something he looked at everyday.
I will write more later because I still haven't covered Thanksgiving 2008, TrueBlood, and The Southern Vampire Series that I've been reading. Like I said, I've been busy!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
No title...just words
I'm still recovering from my surgery on Monday and am going to see the doctor tomorrow for my post-op visit. Let me just say that he greatly exaggerated how great I was going to feel. There was no way I could have gone back to work the day after and I have felt like crap since the surgery. Last night I spiked a fever and took some Tylenol. The fever broke and I haven't had another one since.
This weekend is going to be super busy! Mom and grandmother are coming down today and Larry and Amanda are showing up tomorrow night. B leaves for Seattle on Saturday and the rest of us are going to Mt. Gillead for a cook-out at another family member's house.
I'm really looking forward to having most of next week off and getting to come back and start my new job!
Enough for now...feeling bad and need to get something to eat. Talk more later!
This weekend is going to be super busy! Mom and grandmother are coming down today and Larry and Amanda are showing up tomorrow night. B leaves for Seattle on Saturday and the rest of us are going to Mt. Gillead for a cook-out at another family member's house.
I'm really looking forward to having most of next week off and getting to come back and start my new job!
Enough for now...feeling bad and need to get something to eat. Talk more later!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Where has the time gone?
I can't believe that we're already half way through August! A lot has been going on in my personal life. I went back to Virginia on July 18th to be with the family since my grandfather's last official dialysis treatment was July 14th. He passed away on July 24th...5 days after his 62nd wedding anniversary. I was able to spend time with him in his last few days. He couldn't really speak when I arrived at his house on the 18th but he recognized me and I was able to tell him how much I loved him. I spent every day with him and my grandmother and I was there when he was taken to hospice...the last time he would ever stay at the cabin. His passing was sad but I found myself being at peace and actually happy that he was finally able to be where he wanted to be his entire life. The burial was July 27th and it was a beautiful service and the weather was perfect.
I came back to Raleigh on July 29th but went back to Abingdon on July 31st for Larry and Amanda's wedding. They had paid tribute to my grandfather by placing his bible beside my grandmother and putting a rose on top. Larry carried my grandfather's pocket watch. It was a happy occasion and definitely something the family needed but it was also bittersweet. I've been in Raleigh since the wedding and it has been great to get back into a normal work routine...it keeps me from thinking too much and getting sad and depressed!
Grandmother and mom are coming down in 2 weeks and I am so excited! I also think Larry and Amanda are going to be spending Labor Day weekend with us which will be cool. Of course, B will miss out on all the fun because he'll be stomping around in Washington...looking for trains and Big Foot. We'll still have a blast without him!
So, that is the summary of things that have happened to date. I will be making more of an attempt to update more!
I came back to Raleigh on July 29th but went back to Abingdon on July 31st for Larry and Amanda's wedding. They had paid tribute to my grandfather by placing his bible beside my grandmother and putting a rose on top. Larry carried my grandfather's pocket watch. It was a happy occasion and definitely something the family needed but it was also bittersweet. I've been in Raleigh since the wedding and it has been great to get back into a normal work routine...it keeps me from thinking too much and getting sad and depressed!
Grandmother and mom are coming down in 2 weeks and I am so excited! I also think Larry and Amanda are going to be spending Labor Day weekend with us which will be cool. Of course, B will miss out on all the fun because he'll be stomping around in Washington...looking for trains and Big Foot. We'll still have a blast without him!
So, that is the summary of things that have happened to date. I will be making more of an attempt to update more!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I'm baaaack!
Vacation was wonderful! The weather was awesome, the house was great, the food was delicious, and the lighthouses were beautiful! It was a great vacation...except for B constantly checking his work email. Oh well, I didn't let it rain on my parade too much!
Although I spent a lot of time lounging around and reading the new Clive Cussler book I purchased, I did get to do some of the things on my list. The outdoor drama we went to was so cool...but it was seriously lacking in the hot Indian department. B, Matt, and I went to Ocracoke Island and saw the Banker Ponies, the lighthouse, the British Cemetery, and had snow cones. We also went and saw the Hatteras lighthouse with Mom, Dad, and Matt on a different day.
B got the SUV stuck in the sand one day so Dad and I drove up to Pea Island to try to help him get out. Luckily, a nice man had a tow strap and we were able to pull it out easily. Of course, B was pissed that we didn't go ahead and get 4-wheel drive when we bought it...but he was the one who said we would never use it.
We went to Kitty Hawk one evening for a buffet dinner which was great. We waited forever to eat but it was definitely worth it. Matt had his 28th birthday while he was down so we did a huge seafood dinner back at the house with fried shrimp, giant fried scallops, a half bushel of crabs, flounder, homemade French fries....it was way, way, way too much food for the 7 of us but it was great!
I was sad to leave but as soon as we got home, I was so happy to be back at my own house so I could sleep in my own bed and have a bathroom to myself. It was a great vacation though and I would do it again in a heart beat!
Unfortunately, things are not going well for my grandfather. His health has dramatically declined since we left on vacation and he's gotten to the point where he won't eat unless you feed him. Jerry and I are both worried that he won't make it to Larry and Amanda's wedding at this point so I'm in scramble mode. B and I are going home this weekend...and I ordered a couple of outfits to wear to the wake and funeral. B still needs to try on his suit to make sure it fits. I don't feel like we're going to have to make the decision to stop the dialysis because he's going to go on his own. I only hope and pray that when he dies, it is painless and peaceful.
Although we knew this was going to happen, it seems to be happening so fast and we find ourselves completely unprepared for what lies ahead. Seems like the dream I mentioned having in my last post is more foreboding than I originally thought. Prayers are much needed right now.
Although I spent a lot of time lounging around and reading the new Clive Cussler book I purchased, I did get to do some of the things on my list. The outdoor drama we went to was so cool...but it was seriously lacking in the hot Indian department. B, Matt, and I went to Ocracoke Island and saw the Banker Ponies, the lighthouse, the British Cemetery, and had snow cones. We also went and saw the Hatteras lighthouse with Mom, Dad, and Matt on a different day.
B got the SUV stuck in the sand one day so Dad and I drove up to Pea Island to try to help him get out. Luckily, a nice man had a tow strap and we were able to pull it out easily. Of course, B was pissed that we didn't go ahead and get 4-wheel drive when we bought it...but he was the one who said we would never use it.
We went to Kitty Hawk one evening for a buffet dinner which was great. We waited forever to eat but it was definitely worth it. Matt had his 28th birthday while he was down so we did a huge seafood dinner back at the house with fried shrimp, giant fried scallops, a half bushel of crabs, flounder, homemade French fries....it was way, way, way too much food for the 7 of us but it was great!
I was sad to leave but as soon as we got home, I was so happy to be back at my own house so I could sleep in my own bed and have a bathroom to myself. It was a great vacation though and I would do it again in a heart beat!
Unfortunately, things are not going well for my grandfather. His health has dramatically declined since we left on vacation and he's gotten to the point where he won't eat unless you feed him. Jerry and I are both worried that he won't make it to Larry and Amanda's wedding at this point so I'm in scramble mode. B and I are going home this weekend...and I ordered a couple of outfits to wear to the wake and funeral. B still needs to try on his suit to make sure it fits. I don't feel like we're going to have to make the decision to stop the dialysis because he's going to go on his own. I only hope and pray that when he dies, it is painless and peaceful.
Although we knew this was going to happen, it seems to be happening so fast and we find ourselves completely unprepared for what lies ahead. Seems like the dream I mentioned having in my last post is more foreboding than I originally thought. Prayers are much needed right now.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
And the verdict is....
Well, I had my appointment with the ENT yesterday. He says the only option is to have the mass removed but he assured me that it would be a piece of cake compared to when I had my septoplasty. Surgery is currently scheduled for 7/21 so I will miss a couple of days of work. In the meantime, he wants me to go see an allergy specialist so that I can get a full panel of tests and get started with treatments. He said it is pretty obvious that I have other allergy problems if I'm still having issues after using Veramist, Zyrtec, and Singulair. Allergy shots...what fun!
I had a horrible dream last night that my grandfather decided to stop dialysis now rather than waiting until after Larry and Amanda's wedding. For some reason, in my dream, the day he stopped dialysis was also going to be the day he died. I don't remember many of the details but I do remember me holding his hand and begging him to stay just a little while longer. I immediately forced myself awake and since it was almost time to get up anyway, I decided I didn't want to risk falling back to sleep and into that horribly sad dream.
On a happier note....
If I can just get through today and tomorrow, vacation will finally be here. On Saturday I will be seating on the beach and starting my vacation sunburn! I haven't packed a single thing and I've got so much to do at work before I leave. I'm starting to get a little stressed! My MIL will be coming tonight to get the crabs and turtle since she will be taking care of them in my absence. B still has to talk to the neighbor about watering the plants..and I'm sure he forgot to stop our mail! So many things!!!!!!!!
I had a horrible dream last night that my grandfather decided to stop dialysis now rather than waiting until after Larry and Amanda's wedding. For some reason, in my dream, the day he stopped dialysis was also going to be the day he died. I don't remember many of the details but I do remember me holding his hand and begging him to stay just a little while longer. I immediately forced myself awake and since it was almost time to get up anyway, I decided I didn't want to risk falling back to sleep and into that horribly sad dream.
On a happier note....
If I can just get through today and tomorrow, vacation will finally be here. On Saturday I will be seating on the beach and starting my vacation sunburn! I haven't packed a single thing and I've got so much to do at work before I leave. I'm starting to get a little stressed! My MIL will be coming tonight to get the crabs and turtle since she will be taking care of them in my absence. B still has to talk to the neighbor about watering the plants..and I'm sure he forgot to stop our mail! So many things!!!!!!!!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Is vacation here yet?
Since my last post, I've had lots of company! My brother had a six day break from his job and came down to stay with us. He arrived on June 19th and stayed until the evening of the 24th before heading back to Richmond. We had a blast as usual...I hated to see him go! Larry and Amanda came the evening of the 20th and left the night of the 22nd. B's mom and sister will be staying with us tomorrow and Sunday and my parents are coming down July 3rd so that we can go to OBX on July 5th. Wow......that's a lot of visiting!
I was originally planning on going home this weekend but mom had back surgery on Monday and has been in the hospital ever since. She didn't think she would be in there that long and is feeling pretty frustrated. Since it is now Friday and she's still not home, I've decided to stay in Holly Springs for the weekend because it would be nearly impossible for her to get any rest if I were home. She's only got about a week to prepare for vacation so she needs to recover quickly!
In other medical news, I went to the doctor for a sinus infection on Tuesday. She scheduled me for a CT the very next day. Yesterday, I got my results back and next Tuesday I go see an ENT. Turns out I have another "very large" mass in my left sinus cavity. I'm afraid the only option is to have it surgically removed and that isn't something I am really looking forward to. The recover from my septoplasty was horrible and took forever. Of course, I just can't leave it in there because the last one I had was removed with the septoplasty so this thing has grown to this size in 4 years. I just really dread what the doctor is going to say.
On to happier topics...vacation is almost here! I can already smell the salty air and feel the ocean breeze! I packed tons of Benadryl in the first aid kit this morning. I'm so hoping that I don't have a repeat of the Keys vacation where I was highly allergic to something and spent almost the whole vacation doped up on allergy medicine in bed...watching game shows and soaps. Of course I did get a reprieve when we went to the Dry Tortugas because of it's lack of trees and plant life...but I got sea sick on the boat out and threw up all over the side. Ahhh...I love my vacations!
Ok, enough chatter...time to get back to more important things!
I was originally planning on going home this weekend but mom had back surgery on Monday and has been in the hospital ever since. She didn't think she would be in there that long and is feeling pretty frustrated. Since it is now Friday and she's still not home, I've decided to stay in Holly Springs for the weekend because it would be nearly impossible for her to get any rest if I were home. She's only got about a week to prepare for vacation so she needs to recover quickly!
In other medical news, I went to the doctor for a sinus infection on Tuesday. She scheduled me for a CT the very next day. Yesterday, I got my results back and next Tuesday I go see an ENT. Turns out I have another "very large" mass in my left sinus cavity. I'm afraid the only option is to have it surgically removed and that isn't something I am really looking forward to. The recover from my septoplasty was horrible and took forever. Of course, I just can't leave it in there because the last one I had was removed with the septoplasty so this thing has grown to this size in 4 years. I just really dread what the doctor is going to say.
On to happier topics...vacation is almost here! I can already smell the salty air and feel the ocean breeze! I packed tons of Benadryl in the first aid kit this morning. I'm so hoping that I don't have a repeat of the Keys vacation where I was highly allergic to something and spent almost the whole vacation doped up on allergy medicine in bed...watching game shows and soaps. Of course I did get a reprieve when we went to the Dry Tortugas because of it's lack of trees and plant life...but I got sea sick on the boat out and threw up all over the side. Ahhh...I love my vacations!
Ok, enough chatter...time to get back to more important things!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I don't know what to say...
Mom went by the dialysis center yesterday to talk to the doctor. Ultimately, it is her decision about when, where, and how my grandfather will spend his last days. She has the power of attorney and she (along with one of her brothers) has his best interests at heart. The doctor gave mom a prescription for a patch to put on him every day to calm him down and hopefully make him less combative and angry. He's had success with it on two other patients...and since it isn't a pill, we have a better chance of actually getting him to wear it without complaining.
Mom spent some time with him while he was having dialysis and he was in a good frame of mind. He was happy to see her and was laughing at her stories. It was a pleasant change from the day before when he was extremely confused. Granddad told mom that he wants to stop dialysis and that he is tired. Mom asked him if he thought he could continue until Larry and Amanda's wedding (August 2nd) but he didn't think he could wait that long. She asked him if he could at least wait until she had her back surgery so she could help out and he more or less agreed to wait until after the surgery. So, it buys us 2 to 3 weeks.
Mom and I talked about it last night and we both agree that we would hate to have this happen right before Larry and Amanda's wedding. It isn't about us being selfish but more about them wanting him there. Mom seems to think that if they can get him to wear the patch and she has some more conversations with him, she can convince him to wait until after the wedding.
It's obvious that he is ready to let go which means I need to be ready to let go too. I hope that the coming weeks pulls our family back to the closeness that we used to have instead of pushing us further and further apart. My mom has to do what is best for him and anyone who loves him would know that "doing whatever it takes to keep him alive" is not the right thing to do.
Mom spent some time with him while he was having dialysis and he was in a good frame of mind. He was happy to see her and was laughing at her stories. It was a pleasant change from the day before when he was extremely confused. Granddad told mom that he wants to stop dialysis and that he is tired. Mom asked him if he thought he could continue until Larry and Amanda's wedding (August 2nd) but he didn't think he could wait that long. She asked him if he could at least wait until she had her back surgery so she could help out and he more or less agreed to wait until after the surgery. So, it buys us 2 to 3 weeks.
Mom and I talked about it last night and we both agree that we would hate to have this happen right before Larry and Amanda's wedding. It isn't about us being selfish but more about them wanting him there. Mom seems to think that if they can get him to wear the patch and she has some more conversations with him, she can convince him to wait until after the wedding.
It's obvious that he is ready to let go which means I need to be ready to let go too. I hope that the coming weeks pulls our family back to the closeness that we used to have instead of pushing us further and further apart. My mom has to do what is best for him and anyone who loves him would know that "doing whatever it takes to keep him alive" is not the right thing to do.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Vacation can't come soon enough!
Well, I managed to survive May and June has been just as crazy. Vacation is officially 2 weeks and 4 days away. I've been putting off getting my lists together because I've had so much stuff going on but I'm starting to panic!
We went to Charlotte for the weekend to hang out with Jason and Jennifer. Rand and Amy came over Saturday night so we did what we do best...had lots of beer and wine, ate pizza rolls at 1 AM, played a pathetic game of 64, and was generally loud and obnoxious. I will say that it was nice to sleep in my own bed Sunday night...but I do miss hanging out with them.
I'm putting the whole baby thing on hold again....I've got some issues that need to be resolved first and I'm feeling like it's never going to happen for us. I've been off BCP since October 2006 and I've kind of lost hope at this point but I'm working on myself and am setting goals so we may be back on the baby wagon by the end of this year.
My grandfather is not doing well. He hasn't taken any of his medicine for the past 3 weeks and it is really starting to show. His dementia (which wasn't even noticeable before) is creating lots of problems. He's becoming more and more combative and verbally abusive to those around him. I'm still going home about 2 times a month but I don't see this side of him when I'm there. Mom is meeting with the doctor today to discuss options. The general consensus from most of the family is that this can't go on. It's always supposed to be quality over quantity and right now the quality sucks. Larry and Amanda are getting married August 2nd and the plan is to take him off dialysis shortly after that. So...we have a deadline...and I've looked at my calendar so many times in the last few days to see how many more weekends I have with him. B, Marshall, and Bill are going to Seattle 8/30 to 9/6 and I'm so afraid that B is going to end up having to cut his trip short. He's been wonderful about it though and said he would come back without any hesitation. Once we stop the dialysis, I'll be up in Virginia until the end and B is totally supportive of that decision. So...I've got at least 4 more weekends....I need to make them count!
On a happier note, Matt will be down tomorrow night through Monday evening. It's his 5 off break and I'm super excited because I haven't seen him in forever. No big plans have been made...we're just going to hang out and not make many plans.
Enough of the book now...until later!
We went to Charlotte for the weekend to hang out with Jason and Jennifer. Rand and Amy came over Saturday night so we did what we do best...had lots of beer and wine, ate pizza rolls at 1 AM, played a pathetic game of 64, and was generally loud and obnoxious. I will say that it was nice to sleep in my own bed Sunday night...but I do miss hanging out with them.
I'm putting the whole baby thing on hold again....I've got some issues that need to be resolved first and I'm feeling like it's never going to happen for us. I've been off BCP since October 2006 and I've kind of lost hope at this point but I'm working on myself and am setting goals so we may be back on the baby wagon by the end of this year.
My grandfather is not doing well. He hasn't taken any of his medicine for the past 3 weeks and it is really starting to show. His dementia (which wasn't even noticeable before) is creating lots of problems. He's becoming more and more combative and verbally abusive to those around him. I'm still going home about 2 times a month but I don't see this side of him when I'm there. Mom is meeting with the doctor today to discuss options. The general consensus from most of the family is that this can't go on. It's always supposed to be quality over quantity and right now the quality sucks. Larry and Amanda are getting married August 2nd and the plan is to take him off dialysis shortly after that. So...we have a deadline...and I've looked at my calendar so many times in the last few days to see how many more weekends I have with him. B, Marshall, and Bill are going to Seattle 8/30 to 9/6 and I'm so afraid that B is going to end up having to cut his trip short. He's been wonderful about it though and said he would come back without any hesitation. Once we stop the dialysis, I'll be up in Virginia until the end and B is totally supportive of that decision. So...I've got at least 4 more weekends....I need to make them count!
On a happier note, Matt will be down tomorrow night through Monday evening. It's his 5 off break and I'm super excited because I haven't seen him in forever. No big plans have been made...we're just going to hang out and not make many plans.
Enough of the book now...until later!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
I always sucked at journals!
This is definitely something that I just can't seem to do on a regular basis. I was never good at writing in journals...and after working with computers all day long, going home to type on one isn't in my top 10 list.
April flew by so quickly! I guess when I'm traveling back to Abingdon twice a month...it makes the time fly. The family is taking the wait and see approach with my grandfather. He hasn't been on the seizure medication for about a month now and he hasn't had a seizure...but it also hasn't reduced his confusion and anger. When I think back to this time last month, I was facing the possibility that I would be watching one of the most influential people in my life start the dying process this month. We aren't to that point yet though. We're continuing treatment as long as we have an occasional good day. It really is the good days we hang on to because they are the only things that get us through the really horrible days. I know in my heart that this can't continue forever. At some point, I will have to say goodbye. It just doesn't seem like there has been enough time.
May is going to be extremely busy! I'm going to Abingdon this weekend and next weekend. The weekend after that we are going to Bryson City, NC for B's 30th birthday celebration with his family. The weekend after that is our anniversary...I can't believe we've been married 7 years already. June already has three weekends filled and then we're into July which means our beach trip finally happens!
Shew....
April flew by so quickly! I guess when I'm traveling back to Abingdon twice a month...it makes the time fly. The family is taking the wait and see approach with my grandfather. He hasn't been on the seizure medication for about a month now and he hasn't had a seizure...but it also hasn't reduced his confusion and anger. When I think back to this time last month, I was facing the possibility that I would be watching one of the most influential people in my life start the dying process this month. We aren't to that point yet though. We're continuing treatment as long as we have an occasional good day. It really is the good days we hang on to because they are the only things that get us through the really horrible days. I know in my heart that this can't continue forever. At some point, I will have to say goodbye. It just doesn't seem like there has been enough time.
May is going to be extremely busy! I'm going to Abingdon this weekend and next weekend. The weekend after that we are going to Bryson City, NC for B's 30th birthday celebration with his family. The weekend after that is our anniversary...I can't believe we've been married 7 years already. June already has three weekends filled and then we're into July which means our beach trip finally happens!
Shew....
Friday, December 07, 2007
17 days till Christmas!
As I sit here in my office and look out the window, I wonder what is in store for me in 2008. I've finally committed to a date to take my CAPM exam. My fingers are crossed that I pass it on my first try.
Matt is in a relationship with someone new. She seems very nice so we'll have to wait and see what happens. He was getting pinned this morning so his training is over! Yeah for him! Mom and dad have a new puppy and its nice to hear the excitement and happiness in her voice for once.
Christmas is around the corner and it's time to start counting my blessings for this year and setting goals for 2008. Have you made your list?
Matt is in a relationship with someone new. She seems very nice so we'll have to wait and see what happens. He was getting pinned this morning so his training is over! Yeah for him! Mom and dad have a new puppy and its nice to hear the excitement and happiness in her voice for once.
Christmas is around the corner and it's time to start counting my blessings for this year and setting goals for 2008. Have you made your list?
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